Post Fourteen: The Aristocrats

Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller) and Paul Provenza have a movie that premiered at Sundance called The Aristocrats. It is basically an exploration/celebration of free speech. What they did is over a few years visit various comedians (and some pretty big names, too), and get them to tell a joke known as "The Aristocrats," which is by far the most filthy, dirty joke ever created. Hands down. I kid you not.

Gilbert Gottfried, of all people, apparently spurred this film. Only three weeks after 9/11, the Friars' Club went forward with their roast of Hugh Hefner in New York City, and Gilbert was one of the speakers. After a mostly somber evening of Viagra and old-man sex jokes, he (of all people) comes out and blows everyone away by 1) doing the first 9/11 joke done in public ("I flew in from California; my flight was late because we had to stop at the Empire State Building first"); and 2) telling the "Aristocrats" joke.

Amazingly, Gottfried (again, of all people) is largely credited with starting the process of waking New York up, and refocusing people on the fact that America is a great country because the people have almost boundless freedoms. He was demonstrating that while our way of life may piss others off, fuck them if they can't take a joke.

So, I wanted to post South Park's version of the joke. This is not, in any way, shape, or form, safe for broadcast at work. Turn your speakers way down low, or better yet, find a set of headphones. But please be advised: it is designed to offend. It is the most offensive thing you will hear in your life. If you don't want to be offended, don't listen to it. But at least we have the freedom to put it out there.

Post Thirteen: Reviews and Opinions

Been quite some time since my last post, but I've been busy. I have a few movies and CDs I thought were worthy of comment, so here we go. Sorry, too tired/disinterested to attach links. Like it matters.

1. Batman Begins: I hate Tim Burton. I never liked anything that he's done: he's just a weird director for the sake of being weird (now he's doing the absolutely pointless remake of Willy Wonka, which I hope tanks). But there was always an exception: Batman. He made the first superhero movie since Christopher Reeve's Superman that really, really worked. That is, until I saw Batman Begins. This is what Batman should have been from the start. The Dark Knight. Genuinely menacing villains portrayed by actors who weren't just doing themselves (i.e., Jack Nicholson). This movie ranks up there with X2 and Spiderman 2.

2. Lamb of God, Ashes of the Wake: I love groove-laden metal. Anthrax. Pantera and old Metallica (nothing beyond . . . And Justice for All, thank you very much). And many others that I don't feel like thinking about to list. There is just something about metal that grabs you by the throat and won't let you go. However, AOTW is the first album I've bought in a long time that simply ripped my face off. I was prompted to purchase the album after hearing "Laid to Rest", but this isn't even the best song on the album. A very good purchase, I must say.

3. Foo Fighters, In Your Honor: I may be misguided, but I always pictured FF as a band that was just "really good." Not great, but very reliable for a really good album. If In Your Honor (particularly the first disc, the "loud" one) does not turn them into a huge arena headlining act, I'll be disappointed. Not surprised, because most people's taste in music sucks, but disappointed. This is a great, great album.

4. Life of Agony, Broken Valley: Was (and am) not familiar with LOA, but bought the album on the strength of "Love to Let You Down." Still a great song, but the rest of the album suffers from sounding a lot like itself. Overall, almost average.

5. King Kong teaser trailer: King Kong is going to suck. King Kong isn't big enough. He appears to be about the size of the ape in Mighty Joe Young that was released a few years back. Also, depending on the scene Kong appeared to change in scale to his surroundings. Finally, Jack Black is in it who I have grown to disdain as an actor. Tenacious D is great, but gads, put him on the screen and I tune out. I may be wrong: Peter Jackson is directing so he may be able to turn it around. But thus far, I am not impressed.

Post Twelve: T-Shirt Hell

The founder of T-Shirt Hell, which makes some really offensive (but very funny to those of us with a not-so-politically correct sense of humor) shirts, recently brought back a section of his website called "Worse Than Hell." This section is where the worst of the shirts dwell. A couple of months ago, he removed the section after a trip to the emergency room revealed he had been poisoned. Citing his belief in the freedom of speech, he brought it back. He is also donating 30% of his profits to various charities.

Well, okay. Are there offensive shirts in there? Hell, yes. I'm offended by some. But who says you get to go through life without being offended? And I can't say I've seen any of these shirts worn in public (other than my own "80s Metal Band Great White Kills Every Single One of Its 100 Fans" shirt). But to try to kill someone over some tasteless t-shirts? What the hell is wrong with people?

I'd post a few pics of the latest "worse than hell" shirts, but doing so messes up the format of my blog. If anyone happens to read this who knows how to shrink pics, drop a comment to let me know how. I'd appreciate it. Regardless, I'm going to get another shirt from the Worse Than Hell section to support this guy.

Post Eleven: It's Hard Work

I have developed quite a bit of respect for regular bloggers: coming up with topics to write on every day, many even more often than that. Sure, there are those who just link to various articles, various sites, various pictures, and that's all well and good. But some, such as the guys at Powerline, just keep putting up good, original material everyday. Oh, well. Maybe one day I'll find the time to do so. But in the meantime, it's going to be sporadic, and probably all over the place.

Been on a binge with my Ipod lately, loading up CD after CD. I now have the entire Anthrax catalog on there, including a bunch of "b-sides" I had to hunt down online. Convenient as hell to have them all in one place. But I have 700 other songs on the Ipod, too. Been trying to find some good mashups, too. I recommend "We Will Rock Beverly Hills." Just greatness. Hopefully that link still works.

Anything else of interest? Not at this point. It's late. I'm going to bed.

**title of post is meant to reference Woody Harrelson's quote in White Men Can't Jump: "It's hard work . . . making something this pretty look like a chump."

Post Ten: Puddle of Mudd vs. ST

I know I'm a little late to this, but thanks to Sirius, I just heard a classic track from Suicidal Tendencies entitled "I Saw Your Mommy (and Your Mommy Was Dead)." Not quite "Send Me Your Money," (my personal favorite) but there was something about that song that really struck a nerve with me. I just can't quite place it . . .

Oh, yeah: Puddle of Mudd completely ripped off the riff for their jerk-off session entitled "She Hates Me." What the fuck? Why hasn't ST sued their ass yet? Or have they? I can only hope. Put Puddle of Mudd in the same coffin as Nickelback and bury them alive. They suck, and not only do they suck, but they are unoriginal. Check out this link: someone has cleverly combined two Nickelback songs demonstrating that they are the EXACT SAME SONG!

The fact that POM and Nickelback have sold millions of albums while Anthrax isn't huge confirms that the world is indeed an asshole [thanks to Brain Posehn for the metaphor].