Post One Hundred Sixty Three: They Fucked Up Deadpool

Now that I hear that Fox didn't really re-shoot any scenes to correct the glaring flaws of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, I don't really feel any obligation to hold back on my criticism of this piece of trash. So let's discuss.

I'm willing to overlook various flaws: the magic adamantium in Wolverine's skull that regrows. The forced inclusion of Cyclops, Gambit, and Emma Frost. The wussification of Sabretooth. The lack of any true blood-thirsty rivalry between Wolverine and Sabretooth.

But there is one thing I just can't let go: How did the makers of Wolverine fuck up Deadpool so bad? Let us count the ways:

It is worth noting that "Deadpool" started out fine: Ryan Reynolds was a talker, getting on everyone's nerves, etc. And he's a bad-ass with the swords. Simply put, he was very, very cool.

We find out later that Wilson is "dead", but he turns out to be Weapon XI (i.e., Wolverine is not "Weapon X" he's "Weapon Ten") who is the penultimate bad guy for Wolverine to fight in the movie. And then the bullshit begins:

First off, HE HAS NO MOUTH. Wade Wilson's mouth has been grafted over. The ONLY possible reason they did this was to give Wolverine a one-liner: "So they finally found a way to shut you up". THE MERC WITH A MOUTH HAS NO MOUTH!

Next, instead of swords strapped to his back (which he started out with), his "swords" are now made of adamantium and come out of his forearms, like Wolverine's claws. Jesus. How in the world do his arms ever bend if the swords aren't drawn?

And Deadpool is now a cornucopia of super-powers. First off, Cyclops' eyes (or DNA, or somesuch) have been grafted on to Deadpool's eyes. He can now shoot lasers like Cyclops from his eyes. It is ridiculous.

He also has another mutant's power of "blinking"/teleportation. This one, while still stupidly done, I can somewhat understand since comic-Deadpool has a teleportation device he uses (although typically for humorous effect).

Finally, and perhaps worst of all, Deadpool is controlled by Stryker via computer. Un-friggin'-believable. Who the hell thought this was a good idea? Who let this into the final draft of the script?

This movie makes an abomination of Deadpool. It is unacceptable, and I have no desire to see this in the theatre. Screw it.