December 29, 2006

Post Seventy-Nine: Family issues

Amazing what you'll learn about your family over the holidays. My dad tells me that one of my cousins, who had been living in Arkansas,* recently returned home. Well, a couple of days later, another of my cousins reported that about 10 U.S. Marshalls showed up at his door looking for this other cousin of mine. Turns out that she had jumped bail (geez . . . ever be put in a position of saying something that you never thought you'd ever say about any family member?) after being arrested for conspiracy to manufacture and distribute meth.

Methamphetamine. One of the most addictive, dangerous drugs out there. The shit that rots your teeth, creates weeping sores on your face, and basically turns you into a high-strung asshole (if TV and movies are to be believed).

My God. I've never used an illegal drug in my life, and here I have a cousin who is dealing meth. And not even a distant cousin: she's a first-rounder (although she's at least 15 years older than me, and I'm not exactly close with my cousins on my Dad's side of the family). Should I ever run for office, you think that won't be thrown out there? Jesus. Why couldn't she just be a lesbian?

As a sidenote, I've got to give credit to a friend of mine, Brownie, for his statement back in my undergrad days, "We're all just one step removed from white trash." I didn't believe it then, but I'll be damned if it's not starting to look that way.

Anyway, my cousin was arrested and taken to her local federal court, and is currently out on bail thanks to her parents (my aunt and uncle). And this uncle of mine is one of the hardest working, most honorable people I have ever known in my life. Next time I get around to posting I'll share one of my favorite stories about him.

This cousin of mine is going to jail, jail, jail. The feds don't mess around with that kind of shit, and they don't bring charges unless they have the goods. At least they didn't call me for legal advice, but if they had it would have gone something like this: "Take any deal they offer."

*Nothing good comes out of Arkansas. Treat this as confirmation.

December 18, 2006

Post Seventy-Eight: Man of the Year!


Take that! I've been named Time's "Person of the Year." I've heard that others may try to claim this honor, but by my reading, it very clearly states "You," i.e., "me."

This is going to look great on my résumé.

December 10, 2006

Post Seventy-Seven: Dallas Cowboys

Well, currently watching the Cowboys playing the Saints. Friggin' fantasy football: I have Drew Brees as my QB on one of my teams, so I'm kind of conflicted. Not too much, though. I'd rather the Cowboys knock him out of the game if it meant a win for the 'Boys.

Friggin' fantasy football leagues.