Post Sixty: Civil War #3

If you've perused my prior posts, you know where I stand on the issue of hero registration as being currently presented in the Marvel "Civil War" summer event. Living, breathing nuclear weapon-equivalents are walking the streets, and deciding unilaterally when they are going to take it upon themselves to stop the bad guys. Inevitably, this results in massive property damage, but amazingly enough not a lot of innocent casualties. As a matter of fact, I never really heard of any bystander deaths in the Marvel universe.

That was until Namorita decided to throw herself into Nitro, a no-holds-barred villain who blows himself up at will, approaching near-nuclear levels. The resulting explosion killed over 600 people, including a lot of kids since this took place in a crowded suburban area near a school. All in the name of some reality TV show that was following Speedball and his team of also-rans around. [Side note: If I may make a suggestion to any Marvel writers who may read this: kill Speedball in prison. Painfully.]

The government has had enough. They've passed legislation requiring anyone who acts as a "superhero" to register with and serve on behalf of the government for three basic reasons: 1) training; 2) supervision; and 3) accountability. To me, it's extremely logical, and likely long-overdue. There are individuals who can level cities with a thought. But to my great consternation (and assuming internet polls are to be believed), a majority of Marvel readers appear to think this is a bad idea.

Dolts. Not one person has given me a good reason for why registration is not a good idea, other than the mere possibility that SHIELD might use them for some type of "black ops" procedure. Whatever: I hate hypotheticals. What people should start dealing with is reality, and what happened is that some untrained amateur asshole with a cocky attitude provoked a madman into killing hundreds of men, women, and children. And there was nothing preventing similar if not identical events happening some other time down the line.

Regardless, the heroes have picked sides. The anti-registration league is led by none other than Captain America. The pro-registration league is led by Iron Man. Both are absolutely convinced that they are right, and now one side is breaking the law. Iron Man's team has been tasked to hunt them down.

Well, the civil war took a turn for the serious this time around. After a somewhat abbreviated build-up, Cap's team of criminals is lured into a "trap" by the heroes supporting the Hero Registration Act. Iron Man pleads with Cap, asking for a mere five minutes to present his case. Cap appears to agree, then underhandedly sabotages his armor, provoking a battle royale between the two sides.

[Interlude: Cap has changed. Seriously, is this the act of Captain America? To not even hear Tony Stark out, one of his best friends for the last twenty years (fuck if I know how long the Marvel continuity has been going)? It just strikes me as utterly incongruous for a soldier who had willingly done the bidding of his country for the majority of his life.]

Regardless, this brings the wrath of Iron Man down on Cap. After rebooting his armor, Iron Man takes him apart. [It's almost unfair, but he really brought it on himself.] Hercules, one of Cap's team, sees this and tears through She-Hulk and Doc Samson to save Cap.

But fuck all that. What the issue comes down to is just one thing: THOR IS BACK, and in a BIG, BIG WAY. Right out of the gate, he levels Hercules with a big-ass-fucking bolt of lightning, and stops everyone in their tracks. Daredevil, the so-called "Man Without Fear," exclaims "My . . . God" as he stares (can he do that? ain't he blind?) at the awesome visage before him: Thor, standing with the summoned storm winds swirling, rain pounding, and lightning flashing all around, with a glare that simply says: "KNOCK THIS SHIT OFF RIGHT NOW."

[Edit: it has been pointed out to me that this may not be Matt Murdock, but someone impersonating Daredevil. I don't know: it looked like Murdock in the diner. While not conceding the point completely, given the apparent lack of 100% continuity between the issues, I'll concede the possibility it was not Matt Murdock in Daredevil costume.]

I am so geeked up, I can hardly stand it. Do I truly expect Thor to stay so firmly in Iron Man's camp? Not really. As a matter of fact, I anticipate him bitch-slapping Tony for hurting Cap so bad. But it's my firm belief that he is back to straighten these mere mortals out. And really, who better to do so?