Juggernaut Blog

Post One Hundred Eighty Five: Two Months

2012-02-02T14:58:00.001-06:00

How the FUCK has it only been two months since I quit dipping?

Post One Hundred Eighty Four: Wrapping up another two weeks without the wife

2012-01-20T19:58:00.004-06:00

This was not a fun two weeks. For the first time since the Mrs. started jaunting around the world as a buyer, I also had some traveling to do. Sure, it was to El Paso and San Antonio, but it created some problems with getting the kids picked up in a timely fashion.

But I'm still not dipping.

Came the closest on Monday after the longest, shittiest day in a long time, as I was standing outside a gas station waiting on my oldest daughter to be delivered by her friend's mom at the chosen drop off spot. I was quite tempted to run in and grab a can, but my being a pretty cheap bastard worked out for me.

So there's that.

Post One Hundred Eighty Three: Perspective

2011-12-29T13:24:00.007-06:00

Christmas was what I expected. My gifts largely sucked compared to what I got my wife, and I was my typical self at not being very good about just putting on a happy face about it.

I know: at least I got gift(s)! Well, yes. My family is not undergoing or preparing for any major purchases, house renovations, or the like, so we are fortunate enough to be in a position to presumably get each other nice things for Christmas. But based on my gifts, I have to guess that my wife REALLY doesn't know me.

I will qualify this by saying that I didn't have a great Christmas list prepared for her (although there are various items on my Amazon list that I would have been happier with) but let's compare what we received this year. To make it interesting, I'll limit her list to what I got her, while my list will include everything she and her family got me.

My wife's gifts:

1. 32 GB iPod Touch
2. Brighton jewelry: necklace and earrings
3. An expensive purse from Anthropologie
4. Michael Kors women's watch
5. Premium coffee maker
6. Dallas Cowboys shirt
7. Amusing t-shirt
8. Undergrad license plate frame

And here are mine (gifts from the wife are asterisked):

1. *North Face jacket. While it's a nice jacket, I live in Texas. I will likely wear this 3 times a year.
2. *Nike ID gift card with workout outfit. I am supposed to use the gift card to design a personalized pair of tennis shoes. Apparently my wife thinks I am 18 years old and black. I suppose it's a neat idea but how much attention have I ever paid to tennis shoes?
3. *Storage box for my watches. This was actually very practical, but probably owed more to my wife wanting me to stop leaving my watches out on my dresser. Notably: no new watch to accompany the box.
4. A bulldog-face bottle opener from Pottery Barn. It's ugly. I don't know where this was supposed to be mounted. I was going to take it back but the wife kept it (probably because it was on clearance and therefore can't be returned). Judging by the reviews from the link, this may not be a good idea.
5. Beer glasses from Brookstone. I don't know the last time I drank beer from a glass at home. Returned.
6. *A small dog that shoots foam balls up to 20' from Brookstone. Fucking stupid. Returned.
7. The great white shark remote control balloon and helium tank referenced in an earlier post. Returned.
8. Novelty Dallas Cowboys tie. When I wear ties, I do not wear novelty ties. This has been put away on a shelf in my closet.

God bless her, she obviously tried (to an extent). I am just feeling a bit, oh, short-changed. So I am ranting a bit here to hopefully avoid any of this coming out in front of her.

Regardless, hope you all had a good Christmas and have a good New Year's.

Post One Hundred Eighty Two: Decisions

2011-12-22T17:49:00.002-06:00

I am debating arranging a fatal accident for my secretary. If life were fair I'd be allowed to kill her outright.

Post One Hundred Eighty One: My Youngest

2011-12-19T21:31:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I wonder about my youngest daughter. Take this evening for instance: I put the girls to bed and am sitting down to catch up on American Horror Story and the season finale of Dexter. All of a sudden I hear her whimpering a bit and saying something about "swallowing." I ask her what's wrong, and ask her to repeat it, and she tells me she swallowed something.

Hmm.

I go into her room and inquire as to just what my precious daughter had swallowed. She doesn't really know.

This frustrates me.

Eventually I get it out of her that she swallowed some kind of "shiny bead" that she found on the floor of her room.

My six year old. Picks up something off the floor of her room. Puts it in her mouth.

And swallows it.

Sometimes I feel like there is something not quite right about her. Sigh.

She is of course scared, and is saying she doesn't want to go to the hospital. Given the description (as vague as it is), I tell her it will be okay, that she will likely just poop it out. Obviously, we'll have to watch out for a stomach ache or anything like that, but it doesn't sound like she swallowed any kind of magnet or battery or the like.

Kids.

Post One Hundred Eighty: Christmas

2011-12-18T22:12:00.003-06:00

Today, I was helping the Mrs. go through the kids' Christmas presents we've been storing in the guest room. As it happened, there was one box sitting by the bed that I almost stumbled over. I started to pick it up, and my wife all of a sudden started telling me to "Look away! Look away!" Unfortunately for her, I've been reading since I was about five years old and have gotten pretty good at it.

What I stumbled over was a box containing a small helium tank that is apparently to be used to fill balloons (which are "Not Included"!). Per my wife, this is a gift from my brother- and sister-in-law.

A helium balloon tank. What fucking fresh hell is this?

I have no idea what they are thinking. I do not think I've ever exhibited any signs of having a balloon fetish, or otherwise demonstrated myself to be a big fan of balloons. As a matter of fact, I'm the one who inevitably destroys the kids' balloons because I get tired of them floating around after being tied to a chair and forgotten.

I am willing to bet my in-laws got me some damn remote control shark balloon that you can find in the Brookstone or "What on Earth" catalog. Great, something that I'll play with once (maybe), then put away and constantly have to move out of the way as I dig through whatever closet it inevitably gets pushed to the back of.

I am getting a bad feeling about my Christmas. My wife has said she had some "great ideas" for my gifts; given the fact that I didn't have a list prepared, I have no idea what I'm getting for Christmas. Of course, my wife will make out like a bandit. So I'm faced with the distinct possibility that my Christmas gifts are going to bite, but I'll have to put on a happy face because my wife seems very pleased with herself. And I'm not great at that.

Yeah, this comes off as a selfish post, but so what? It's my blog and I'll bitch if I want to.

Post One Hundred Seventy Nine: Still good

2011-12-15T18:24:00.003-06:00

Work has been kicking my ass, but still not dipping. I'm pretty happy with myself. I think I'll reward myself with a can of dip.

/joking, joking

Post One Hundred Seventy Eight: Over a week done

2011-12-10T09:55:00.003-06:00

Over a week into my quit-phase, and still dip-free. Was looking at a site to find out what to expect symptom-wise, and found the following list of what you can expect for days 4-20:

Cravings

Irritability

Insomnia

Fatigue

Inability to Concentrate

Headache

Sore throat

Constipation, gas, stomach pain

Dry mouth

Sore tongue and/or gums

Let's see: I've had the occasional craving, but these typically come when I'm bored. Also had a dry mouth when I wake up, but that is hardly new. My tongue feels sensitive at times, too. Other than that, can't say I've noticed a lot of ill effects. Probably helps that I've been quite preoccupied with work.

Oh, well. Have to hit the office tomorrow before the Cowboys game. Then El Paso on Monday and Kansas City on Wednesday.

Post One Hundred Seventy Seven: Weekend test

2011-12-04T20:17:00.002-06:00

Went hunting this weekend with my dad and brothers this weekend, and a good time was had by all. I shot a spike, as did my twin brother, and my little brother got two small hogs. Funny: I didn't see any pigs at all.

Yes, there were times I wanted a dip, mainly when I was alone in a blind, but they were fleeting. Hardest point came when another hunter was hanging out, talking to us, and he pulled out the can of Copenhagen. My twin looked at me, I hung my head a bit, but otherwise all was good.

Busy couple of days the next two days: in El Paso then Austin. Won't have time to take a dip, so it's a good thing.

Post One Hundred Seventy Six: Last dream of the morning

2011-12-02T07:32:00.002-06:00

In the last dream I had this morning before waking up, I had a dip in. I remember realizing that it was in there, wondering where the hell it came from (since I had not bought a can), and flinging it out of my mouth. Then I woke up with a start.

Fortunately, this dream did nothing to make me want a dip. To the contrary, I had a bad taste in my mouth and felt like I had bit my lower lip. Really glad I'm quitting.

Post One Hundred Seventy Five: Itching

2011-12-01T14:37:00.002-06:00

Close to a day into quitting and I occasionally get an "itch" for a dip. But then I realize that 1) I don't have any dip; and 2) I'd have to go get a can; and 3) I really don't want to dip anymore.

Seems like this blog should help. Kind of a reinforcement mechanism.

Post One Hundred Seventy Four: Once Again

2011-12-01T09:18:00.003-06:00

I have quit dipping. Again. What a pain in the ass this is.

I've decided to use this blog as a means of venting any frustration I am having with getting over this nicotine addiction. For example, I just ate the breakfast special from across the street and I have to say that putting a dip in would be a nice finishing touch. But two things prevent this: 1) the fact that I have quit again; and 2) my refusal to go buy another can. I figure that if I can just stop myself from doing the latter, I should be able to keep it up this time around.

Regardless, at least I'm writing on this blog (unlike my brother and his blog. Writers write, right?)

Post One Hundred Seventy Three: Work

2011-08-08T17:14:00.003-05:00

There are times I think that life is too fucking short to spend being an attorney. I am currently experiencing one of those times.

Post One Hundred Seventy Two: Returned from my Cabo vacation yesterday ...

2011-08-02T19:53:00.002-05:00

A return to solid bowel movements would be nice at some point in the near future.

Post One Hundred Seventy One: Any string of expletives would be appropriate right about now

2011-05-12T12:19:00.000-05:00

So my wife is off to Asia. Again.

(As an aside, anyone else notice how many of these posts start out this way?)

Anyway, earlier this week (prior to her leaving) I came home from work and proceeded to walk across the living room floor when I damn near tripped over a huge bowing in our 1 year and 4 month old hardwood floors. I had to be in some state of shock as I did not immediately lose my shit and start dog-cussing everyone in spitting distance. This actually worked out in my favor since I managed to keep it together and call the floor guys to let them know the problem. "Marvin" agreed to come out today and take a look at it.

Of course, this was the day after my wife left for China. So once again I get to deal with the kids, school, the dogs, work, drive times, soccer games, the kids' guests, church, etc., and now tack on to that business-hour appointments at the house.

I think she plans this shit.

Regardless, I just finished prepping the letter to the Mrs. regarding the inspection conducted this a.m., which I share with you now:

Might want to brace yourself.

First off, it does not appear to be an installation or materials problem. Not that that it would have been covered since all we have is a one year warranty. [ed.: ONE YEAR AND FOUR MONTHS AGO!!!]

Marvin came this morning and did some moisture readings. That area of the floor is pretty “wet”, relatively speaking, which resulted in the bowing. He ripped up boards and I could put my hand on the glue/barrier and feel the dampness, kind of like condensation. The problem is, we have no idea where the water is coming from. There are no pipes in the walls in the vicinity (that I know of) and other areas tested okay (i.e., my room and the kitchen). Above that area is the computer room: again, no water source.

Marvin’s crew is coming back out tomorrow between 9 and 10 (Dad is coming over early tomorrow to be there to let them in/observe since I’ll be in Abilene) to tear up the necessary portion of the floor to prevent spreading (I suppose pulling up portions of the floor allows the wet areas to dry out some). They will also be bringing a plumber to determine the source of the leak (the most important issue).

I have called [our home insurer] to report this. Our deductible is $8700+ so this will likely (hopefully) be all on us. There is a (worst case) scenario that there is a leak in a pipe in the slab. That will get expensive, although [our insurer] says to ask about re-routing the pipe as opposed to drilling into the slab. Worst of all, it will in 99% likelihood not be covered since the wear and tear is not covered; basically, the only coverage for such a pipe leak would be if it burst due to a freeze.

You know, you have a real knack for going on these trips at opportune times.

Post One Hundred Sixty Nine: My visit to the urologist

2010-11-23T17:28:00.001-06:00

My wife was in New York last week, leaving me in charge of the kids. Wednesday a.m., one of my dogs jumped up on me resulting in a glancing blow to my balls. Nothing serious, but I did notice it. Fast forward to the end of the day: I've put the kids to bed and am sitting around catching up with whatever was on the DVR. Regardless, I start to notice that my left testicle is a bit sore. So I go ahead and perform a self-examination of sorts.

And I find a lump.

Nice, huh? Just fucking great. I don't get oral cancer for the 18 years I dipped but at age 38, BAM!, there it is.

Considerably freaked out, I figure the best thing to do is to ignore it. No, not really: first thing Thursday morning got on the phone with the urologist who performed my vasectomy. Conveniently, he squeezed me in for an appointment that afternoon. There, I have a fun exam, and he flat out tells me that it is exceedingly unlikely that it's cancer but instead an infection of some sort or a cyst.

Who would have ever thought that the thought of a cyst on one's testicle would be a relief?

Nonetheless, he put me on an antibiotic and I was scheduled for an ultrasound the next day for confirmation purposes. That was all kinds of fun. Not only was the ultrasound tech (doctor?) female, she was kind of cute. Considering the area of my body that she was performing the ultrasound on, I would have thought that I would be worried that an uncomfortable/untoward situation could develop.

Yeah, turns out that's not an issue when you're concerned that you might have testicular cancer. I spent the duration of the exam staring at the clock over my head trying my best to control it with the powers of my mind. I was informed during the exam that the lump was most likely a "hydrocele" (a slight buildup of fluid, i.e., not a solid mass) that is actually quite common. Per my doctor, we don't do anything about it unless it starts to really bother me. I'm not exactly sure what that involves, but it probably involves a needle in my nether regions.

I'm probably going to tough this one out.

Post One Hundred Sixty Eight: Coda

2010-11-23T15:40:00.000-06:00

A brief coda to Post One Hundred Sixty Five on my dipping habit: I have quit. It has been going on six weeks since my last dip and I will never dip again. I have decided that I am tired of being paranoid every time I get a sore throat or irritated taste bud so you will never see me with another dip again. To my friends who read this blog and know who I am, you have permission (to try) to beat me up if you see me in possession of same.

More health news later, I'm thinking.

Post One Hundred Sixty Seven: Back from vacation

2010-06-28T21:51:00.000-05:00

My family has just returned from a Caribbean cruise aboard one of the major cruise lines (not Carnival; we're not WT, after all). We all had a great time which was somewhat surprising since my wife's parents were part of the group. Given my history of vacations with her family, I was kind of dreading a similar experience. As it turns out, I am thinking that it is her sister that causes the drama. Good to know.

Anyway, the ship had something called a Flowrider on the top deck. Briefly, this is a flat surface that churns thousands of gallons of water across the top at a high rate of speed that allows you to boogie board or even surf across the top of it, all on about an inch of water. It all looked pretty cool so I signed up to try the surfing. A couple of suggestions for you if you get the chance to try one out:

One, don't.

Two, if you persist, make sure you put your dominant foot in the rear so you can actually put your weight on the back of the board. Jesus.

If you couldn't guess, I failed to follow either of my own suggestions. I had my left foot in the back and for the life of me I couldn't shift my weight to the rear. The instructor, nonetheless, eased me out and as soon as he let me go I said "Nope," and fell flat ... no, not flat. That gives me too much credit. I completely crumbled into a ball and somehow landed on the left side of my neck and head on a surprisingly firm surface covered only by a thin sheet of water.

Needless to say, that smarted.

I found myself spinning on my back on this thin sheet of water in front of God and everyone on the cruise ship. Once I stopped turning I stood up, jumped over the barrier, and walked over to my wife and kids to get my towel. I have no qualms about admitting that this was probably the worst attempt at surfing the Flowrider during the cruise.

After hiding in my room for a sufficient period of time (overnight, to be exact), the next day I decided to give the rock-climbing wall a go. My oldest daughter (age 9 ... NINE!!) had done it a couple days earlier and I have to say it was impressive as hell the way she just scrambled up the side. So I lace up the climbing shoes (they actually had a size 15, shockingly) and made my way to the head of the line. I am then directed to the stone column ... not the wall. I found out later (courtesy of my expert rock-climbing daughter) that this was a more advanced course. I am guessing they saw a 6'5" somewhat muscular guy and figured I should give that one a try.

Gads.

Anyway, I made it up about 4/5th's of the way up to the top and got to a point with my toes perched on a couple small rocks and my right hand in a death grip around another. As you hug a stone column about 25' off the ground, you start to realize just how high up you really are. You also look down and see the person holding your line and start to wonder if he can prevent 225 lbs of flailing limbs from landing in a broken heap below.

You also realize that hugging a column dwelling on such thoughts tires you the fuck out.

My left hand desperately searched for a grip on the left side so I could support my weight and lunge for the rock about 6" above my right hand. It might as well have been a mile since there was absolutely no grip on the left to be found. Realizing that it was pretty much hopeless, I made a weak lunge at the grip only to fall off the wall and was steadily lowered down the column with no joy of ringing the bell at the top.

Oh, well.

My failures notwithstanding, it was a great week. We all had fun and a much-needed break. Looking forward to the next vacation, maybe an adult trip with friends to Cabo next summer.

Post One Hundred Sixty Six: Serving as local counsel is fun

2010-06-17T10:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning I attended a hearing on behalf of an out-of-state law firm my office serves as local counsel for. In a nutshell, the plaintiff in the case wanted a report from one of our client's designated experts, saying that the designation was "useless." Whatever: the designation is, as required, a "fair summary" of the expert's anticipated testimony and plaintiff's counsel is free to fill in any blanks there may be during his deposition. So I feel like this is going to be a pretty simple hearing.

Of course not. The purported basis of the motion was just a ruse: the plaintiff's attorney tells me just before the hearing that the aforementioned law firm has not provided dates for the client's depositions despite several months' worth of requests from the plaintiff's attorney. Well, I do not know how they practice law up there but that type of stuff doesn't fly with courts down here. So I immediately get on the phone and tell them that we need to get deposition dates immediately.

The hearing went about as expected given that the judge does not like me (a long story but an entertaining one that I will likely write about next time I get around to posting). The judge said get the plaintiff dates by tomorrow, or I'll see you on Friday. What this means is that if the depositions aren't scheduled/finalized by today, the judge is likely going to strike our client's experts.

Nice.

So I call the firm up and give them the news. At that point I am informed that the plaintiff's attorney is full of shit. Apparently he was being the ass in this situation by demanding two consecutive dates for experts located in different states on opposite sides of the country. Of course I knew none of this as I had not been kept in the loop on deposition date discussions since I'm merely local counsel.

Goddammit.

Truly, there's nothing like being hamstrung before a hearing. When we serve as local counsel this type of thing happens just about every time: a dispute flares up between the plaintiff's attorney and the lead counsel and we get sent to argue some minor point in front of the judge because a 15 minute hearing is not worth the travel time.

Oh well. I still got the hours out of it.

Post One Hundred Sixty Five: Dipping

2010-06-08T12:22:00.000-05:00

Back in college, I acquired a habit that I have quit many times but keep coming back to: dipping.

It's not particularly attractive, not particularly healthy, and I'm not particularly proud of it, but after 18 years of jumping on and off the Skoal bandwagon I am almost ready to resign myself to the fact that I'm probably going to keep going back to it.

Why do I do it? Nowadays, I primarily pick it back up when my wife leaves town on one of her trips out of the country. It serves as a stress-reliever during these two-week stretches when I'm not able to get to the gym due to childcare issues. And I have to say, after a meal, after the digestive juices have gotten going, and after the kids go to bed, it's kind of soothing. It breaks the tension.

Not to mention dealing with the stress of my job. A lot of attorneys my age dip, and if we get the right group together at a deposition or mediation, out come the cans. It's kind of a bonding thing. Right.

I remember growing up and ALL of my male cousins dipped. Both sides of the family. Personally, I wouldn't touch the stuff. Not only would my parents have flipped out but I remember reading stories in Reader's Digest about baseball players whose jaws rotted out. Ugh. Therefore, I was convinced that the first time I took a dip my jaw would be instantly riddled with tumors. Yeah, I was something of a hypochondriac back then.

All that said, college came around and I'm off on a road trip with my pledge class and two of my fraternity brothers are sitting in the front seat, both with dips in. I'm in the backseat, bored (it was a long trip), and I ask what exactly it was that snuff did for them? "Aw, it's just a little buzz," they explained. Well, I couldn't drink in the car and Mexico was hours away, so I bit. They offered up a can and I took a dip. I sat there with a pinch in my mouth, complaining about the lack of an effect. Comedians that they are, they just encouraged me to pack a bit more in.

Well, we reach a stop and I get out of the car with a MONSTER dip in and instantly I'm thrown off balance by my first nicotine buzz. And I was pretty much hooked. Since this time I have quit hundreds of times (a very easy thing to do, paraphrasing Mark Twain) only to be lured back by a cheap can.

I rationalize it a lot: it's not going to kill me because it's excessive drinking that causes oral cancer (I've actually read studies so I've almost convinced myself of that). I go through cans really slowly (which is true compared to a lot of guys I know). I only do it occasionally, and never around my wife and kids (well, at least not in front of them). And I take really good care of my teeth (floss once a day, brush twice).

Regardless, I'm just treating this post as a kind of confession. But at least I'm not smoking: you can kill other people with that shit.

Post One Hundred Sixty Four: My Vasectomy

2010-05-30T12:11:00.000-05:00

Damn, over a year since my last post. I'm going to chalk it up to 1) depression over what they did to Deadpool in the Wolverine movie (see my last post) and 2) general malaise regarding blogging here. I'm sure it was more the former.

Anyway, something interesting to write about: on Friday I had a vasectomy. My wife and I are done having kids; given this, there is really no reason for her to have to deal with the birth control issue. I mean, she has a bad day or fails to renew a prescription, and the door is left wide open to another pregnancy or, God forbid, my having to use condoms for a month. {shudder}

I set up the appointment about six weeks ago and really never got worked up about it. I've had several friends who have had vasectomies and all have said it wasn't a big deal and didn't change anything about sex. So I was encouraged by their experiences.

As for the procedure itself, not too bad. The worst part was the anesthetic. My doc (who was great) used a non-needle method that took six separate injections. I didn't see the device but I imagine it was something like they use in Star Trek. Each "shot" felt like a rubber band was being snapped against my scrotum (this was how my doc described it would feel and it was a very apt description), three on each side. The fourth one was the worst as it felt like a glancing blow against my left testicle. I let loose a little groan and my doc told me that was "always" the worst one but I kind of think he was bullshitting me.

Regardless, I was quite numb down there by that point. During the procedure I was looking up at the ceiling where a poster was hung that read "RELAX" followed by some philosophical banter. What caught my attention, however, was the fact that I could see what was going on if I looked in the reflection. That was a bit disconcerting.

My procedure was also a "non-scalpel" vasectomy. Instead of making an incision in the scrotum the doc used a sharp metal instrument (kind of like a leather punch since I think that sounds funny) to punch a hole in my bag. He then used a cauterizing blade (not really a blade, but whatever) to cut the appropriate tubes. Nothing like the faint smell of burning tissue coupled with a whiff of smoke, especially when it's your tissue. But there was no pain, at least.

Afterwards, I put on the tight briefs that I was instructed to bring with me and was sent on my merry way. The rest of the day I sat in my chair in my man-cave with the Firefly series playing on the TV and a ziplock bag of ice on my jewels. My wife was even being nice to me. I also spent Saturday relaxing, even though I was starting to feel better. Today, I was feeling good enough to mow the lawn and otherwise mosey about normally. There's an occasional dull ache but even that is fading now.

I've been instructed not to lift anything over 30 lbs. for the next five days, but I figure I should be able to make it to the gym for cardio workouts. I also REALLY need to focus on my abs and waist. But as for the vasectomy it was really no big deal.

Post One Hundred Sixty Three: They Fucked Up Deadpool

2009-04-24T04:18:00.001-05:00

Now that I hear that Fox didn't really re-shoot any scenes to correct the glaring flaws of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, I don't really feel any obligation to hold back on my criticism of this piece of trash. So let's discuss.

I'm willing to overlook various flaws: the magic adamantium in Wolverine's skull that regrows. The forced inclusion of Cyclops, Gambit, and Emma Frost. The wussification of Sabretooth. The lack of any true blood-thirsty rivalry between Wolverine and Sabretooth.

But there is one thing I just can't let go: How did the makers of Wolverine fuck up Deadpool so bad? Let us count the ways:

It is worth noting that "Deadpool" started out fine: Ryan Reynolds was a talker, getting on everyone's nerves, etc. And he's a bad-ass with the swords. Simply put, he was very, very cool.

We find out later that Wilson is "dead", but he turns out to be Weapon XI (i.e., Wolverine is not "Weapon X" he's "Weapon Ten") who is the penultimate bad guy for Wolverine to fight in the movie. And then the bullshit begins:

First off, HE HAS NO MOUTH. Wade Wilson's mouth has been grafted over. The ONLY possible reason they did this was to give Wolverine a one-liner: "So they finally found a way to shut you up". THE MERC WITH A MOUTH HAS NO MOUTH!

Next, instead of swords strapped to his back (which he started out with), his "swords" are now made of adamantium and come out of his forearms, like Wolverine's claws. Jesus. How in the world do his arms ever bend if the swords aren't drawn?

And Deadpool is now a cornucopia of super-powers. First off, Cyclops' eyes (or DNA, or somesuch) have been grafted on to Deadpool's eyes. He can now shoot lasers like Cyclops from his eyes. It is ridiculous.

He also has another mutant's power of "blinking"/teleportation. This one, while still stupidly done, I can somewhat understand since comic-Deadpool has a teleportation device he uses (although typically for humorous effect).

Finally, and perhaps worst of all, Deadpool is controlled by Stryker via computer. Un-friggin'-believable. Who the hell thought this was a good idea? Who let this into the final draft of the script?

This movie makes an abomination of Deadpool. It is unacceptable, and I have no desire to see this in the theatre. Screw it.

Post One Hundred Sixty Two: Rough morning

2009-02-17T13:02:00.000-06:00

So my darling youngest (3-year-old) daughter decides to come into our room this morning . . . at 3:30 this a.m. . . . and ask whether she can go back to her room and play. My youngest has grown quite addicted to her Leapster hand-held game and seems to be playing with it more often than not. At least it's an educational toy (well, the cartridges she plays are anyway).

Regardless, we both have woken up due to the sound of her voice, but I don't stir thinking my wife will handle this appropriately.

"Sure, honey, just go play in your room."

Me: "WHAT?"

Now, I'm giving my wife the benefit of the doubt and going to say she obviously had no idea what time it was and naturally thought that was closer to her typical rise-and-shine time (@ 6:00 a.m.). I [nicely] point out that it is actually 3:30 in the morning, twice as it didn't register the first time. My wife recognizes the problem and valiantly gets up to put the little trouble-maker to bed.

Of course, I never got back to sleep. Having fallen asleep sometime around 11:30 p.m., that gives me a total of 4 hours sleep last night (generously).

I got out of bed at the sound of my 4:50 a.m. alarm to go work out, kind of grouchy, but I did get a good workout in. I then return home, wife still in bed but finally wakes up as I turn on the bathroom light. "I didn't even hear you leave," she says.

Well, at least one of us got back to sleep.

grumblegrumblegrumble

I am then reminded that I have an eye doctor appointment at 8:00 a.m., which I thought was next week (serves me right for not looking at the calendar yesterday), so I am now in a mad rush to get ready and out the door.

Post One Hundred Sixty One: And I'VE got the complex

2009-02-10T08:53:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine posted a link to this article on his blog. It's an interesting read for purposes of a he-said/she-said point of view of marriage when both spouses work. But part of it set me off: the "she-said" portion of the article reads, in part:

Note to guys: Start by going to the gym. Then try some new music. Or a book. Or a movie. Keep connected to the rest of the world. You'll win--and so will your marriage.

It's a two-way street, lady. And from what I can tell, the guys have fewer problems going to the gym. Or trying some new music. Or otherwise staying "connected" to the rest of the world. In fact, based on my experience it is the wives who have the more serious problems doing any of the foregoing.

Case in point: I have started working out again (every morning at 5 a.m. ) and am taking it seriously since I weigh more than I ever have (232 lbs. now). The wife, meanwhile, complains about her clothes situation, the way people perceive her at work, and how "tired" she always is. She has a Curves membership but hasn't gone in weeks. Think there might be some relation there?

Well, I get home from my haircut yesterday evening and put the kids to bed, and as we are winding down for the night the wife decides to go get some leftover birthday cake. I decline a piece. She comes back upstairs with two frosting-laden pieces of chocolate cake. I make a comment about it, and she jumps down my throat saying I have a "complex" because I've been concerned about my weight.

Never mind that I might be a little concerned about her health, her appearance, and her mental well-being myself. You just can't win.

Post One Hundred Sixty: Work

2009-01-14T22:12:00.000-06:00

I had a very busy day at the office. Meeting with a client, writing up a guide for the client to prepare him for his deposition, drafting several letters and motions, and negotiating a settlement. While it was productive it wore my ass out. I planned on knocking some more stuff out here at the house (particularly a response to a motion for summary judgment that is due in a week) but that is not happening. So I sit here on the sofa catching up on 24 and watching various pornographic videos online.

Not really on that last part. I just thought it would make the post a shade more interesting.

Anyway, the wife has once again left the country, this time to Germany for a week. I would really like the chance to get do some international travel, particularly to Europe and Australia. In that respect I am quite jealous of the wife. Shit, the only traveling I have been doing lately is to Houston or the Gulf coast of Alabama. Two thrilling locales.

Sigh.

Post One Hundred Fifty Nine: Killing Time

2008-12-30T20:23:00.001-06:00

The wife is sick. Not in a good way, either.

No, she's got a nasty cold so I am lurking in my room keeping as far away from her as possible so I don't catch what she has on the eve of New Year's Eve. That would truly suck. We're getting together with some friends, my little brother and his wife for an evening of eating terribly and drinking heavily. I then have the rest of the week off thanks to the good judgment of the firm to go ahead and close the office on Friday.

Seriously: there is absolutely no point in law firms being open from Christmas Eve through the NCAA championship bowl game. No point at all. Nobody is interested in scheduling things, most people are out on vacation, and in any event nobody returns calls or correspondence. So it's basically a huge waste of time.

The gift-receiving end of things for Christmas kind of sucked this year. It's no one's fault, really; I didn't ask for anything specific and there was nothing I really needed. Ended up with some cash from the parents and in-laws, plus a couple of books. Oddly, no clothes at all . . . I think that must be a first for me. Wait, have to take that last part back: the wife purchased me a couple of amusing t-shirts, one of which I'm not allowed to wear around the kids for whatever reason. It says "I don't give a" followed by a picture of a rat holding onto a donkey with a leash, i.e., "Rat's Ass".

I don't understand this. When I was my daughters' age, my dad had a shirt that read "If you ain't for the Cowboys you ain't for shit." I vividly remember this shirt. No, he didn't wear it everyday (or even very often), mainly when his family came up for a Cowboys game. But I really don't see it as having any ill effect on my upbringing. Yet this shirt with a picture of a rat and donkey (which she bought me!) is somehow going to result in my daughters developing foul mouths.

Sigh. I am starting to wonder if the wife and I have anything in common.

Post One Hundred Fifty Eight: Punisher War Zone

2008-12-11T16:47:00.001-06:00

Punisher War Zone is the worst comic book movie Marvel has produced since Howard the Duck.

There, I said it. I just sat through it and barely restrained myself from walking out. I do not know how many times I audibly groaned. I do not know how many times I rolled my eyes. But I do know that this will likely be Marvel's final attempt to produce a Punisher movie.

Seriously, how friggin' hard is it to make a Punisher movie? Here's a treatment that would work wonders:

Scene 1: Introduce Frank Castle as a bad-ass special ops soldier in some unnamed overseas conflict.

Scene 2: Frank Castle reunites with his family and best friend Microchip back in the states, only to have his wife and kids killed when they witness a mob execution in Central Park.

Scene 3: Frank Castle, mad with grief, recruits Microchip to start arming himself to take on the mobs of New York. He outfits himself in black, but puts a BRIGHT WHITE SKULL on his chest, stating something like "I will become death, destroyer of their worlds."

I emphasize the BRIGHT WHITE SKULL because in every Punisher movie that has been made, the producers have RUN from the fact that The Punisher is a COMIC BOOK CHARACTER. The Punisher NEEDS to be readily identifiable as such. Not using the skull, or dimming it so much that you can't make it out, defeats the purpose of making a PUNISHER movie. Without it, he is a generic Death Wish vigilante.

Scene 4: The mob bosses, taking heavy losses, recruit their own specialist: some dude like The Russian, Bushwacker, or Barracuda. In the meantime, introduce a detective who has been tasked with taking down The Punisher.

Now, at this point, something becomes KEY: DON'T LET THE VILLAINS HAM IT UP. Not the mob bosses, not the "super-villain." Dominic West was fucking TERRIBLE as Jigsaw. Scenery chewing, overacting, poorly made-up, and a general waste of space. Did the producers of War Zone not see The Dark Knight? Did they not see the make-up/effects used on Harvey Dent to create Two-Face? How the HELL did they let Dominic West (who I've heard nothing but good things about in The Wire) go so friggin' nuts?

Scene 5: Big gun battle where the super-villain gets the better of Punisher, and he narrowly escapes.

Scene 6: Punisher regroups with the aid of Microchip. He gets some great weapons, and goes back out. BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T KILL MICROCHIP! JESUS!

Scene 7: Big battle between The Punisher and the super-villain where the super-villain suffers severe injuries, but his injuries are not necessarily life-threatening, keeping him available for any potential sequel.

Scene 8: The Punisher kills the mob boss.

Scene 9: Cops arrest The Punisher and take him to jail. Close with a scene with him being eyeballed by all the prison scum, with a closing line along the lines of "God help them, I'm not done."

Fade to black.

See what I did there? I set up the sequel right then and there. This treatment took me all of 10 minutes, and I could write a similar treatment for the sequel in another 10. Seriously, these movies write themselves!

Unbelievable. Ray Stevenson made for a great Punisher, but they fucked it all up with 1) him killing an FBI agent (albeit unintentionally) at the outset of the movie; and 2) him having to make up for it to the widow and child who basically fall in love with him. The man who murdered their husband and father. But it's all okay since the agent thought The Punisher was "one of the good guys." A Punisher movie is no place for such cutesy crap.

Way to go, Marvel. But let me close on this note: if you fuck up Thor like this I'm going to kick every one of your asses.

Post One Hundred Fifty Seven: Home Alone

2008-11-24T19:56:00.000-06:00

The wife and kids have gone to Alabama for the Thanksgiving holiday. I have entirely too much work going on (trial prep) to miss a week.

Oh, and there's the issue of my Cowboys season tickets.

So I am home alone, being very boring. I don't go out (save for the Cowboy game) but I think I'm going to go see Role Models tonight. Something to do, and I need something to take my mind off work. Too much work being done on an incredibly shitty case. The client is a shitbird. The facts are bad. The only thing that might save it is the premium plaintiff-friendly venue.

This goes against my defense-counsel orientation. Ugh. The things a firm will do for money.

I am going to a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner. Very, very nice of him and his wife to invite me over. Otherwise, I would probably have to make do with what's in the freezer and fridge, sitting alone in my dark, empty house. All alone.

Well, that sounds like that could have been quite depressing.

Post One Hundred Fifty Six: My vote for President

2008-10-31T14:56:00.000-05:00

Went and early voted yesterday. Begrudgingly, I voted for McCain.

Of course there was no way I was going to vote for Obama. Two reasons for this. First, he is a liberal Democrat, if not an outright socialist if his past political affiliations and recent comments about "redistributing the wealth" are given any credence.

But more importantly to me, there is no way in hell I will ever vote for someone who is so blatantly protected by the media. Throughout the Democratic primary, it has been obvious that the MSM has been out to get Obama elected. To do so, they have heaped ridicule on McCain/Palin and their supporters. They have engaged in unfounded, unfair lines of questioning of the Republican candidates (I'm looking at you, Gibson and Couric) that only served to bare their own biases and ignorance. And worse of all, they have done nothing to bring to light the serious questions regarding Obama's personal and political background, campaign, and intentions once in office.

Where is the quid pro quo? What does anyone really know about Obama? There has been absolutely no effort made by the MSM to explain his record, much less critique it. Obama has received a free pass, and it looks like it's going to work for him in spades.

So congratulations to the media. Their candidate appears to be on his way to the White House. But in doing so, they have betrayed their one true purpose: to bring the truth to light without bias. God help this country if this is what the future holds.

Post One Hundred Fifty Five: Saturday AM

2008-10-18T07:44:00.000-05:00

Was up late playing "Booty . . . " something-or-the-other on the 360 last night with a friend, then could not fall asleep. As luck would have it, the girls were in the room very early this morning, the youngest before 6:00. We sent them back to bed, and had relative quiet until 7:00 when the dog forced me up.

It's my Saturday to be up with the kids while the wife sleeps in. Right now we're watching the Perils of Penelope Pitstop, which the girls enjoy. On a related note, if you ever find yourself watching Wacky Races, note the utter impropriety of Peter Perfect and his vehicle:

Shocking.

Post One Hundred Fifty Four: Election 2008

2008-10-17T21:55:00.000-05:00

Ever feel like the country was going straight down the drain? Yeah, this is going to be a preachy entry.

I have come to a realization that we owe this to ourselves. We, the general electorate, have continued to elect career politicians to federal office who have become corrupted by the money, power, and pressures that come with the position. While some undoubtedly go in with the best of intentions, my generation and those that will follow have been sold out by these politicians who have shown a callous disregard for the future of this country.

Uncontrolled and irresponsible spending.

Ignoring obvious signs of pending crises.

Buying into the notion that it should be the government's role to increasingly regulate and govern every aspect of the individual's life in a misguided attempt to guarantee "the American Dream."

Seeking to legislate morality in accordance with the morals of a certain ideology, i.e., the Religious Right.

Things have got to change. Drastically. In my opinion a national movement needs to be undertaken to replace the current rack of politicians with a majority who are committed to the reining in of government abuse.

No more pork, no more pet projects.

Serious cuts in governmental spending (moreso than simply not making the annual budget increases) across the board, even sacred cows like Social Security and the military.

No perks or gifts from lobbyists.

A commitment to developing American energy resources to eliminate our dependence on foreign oil.

A return to federalism with an emphasis on states rights and accompanying responsibilities.

But this will never happen. A majority of the electorate is ignorant or even worse don't give a fuck. At this point I am not even sure a total economic depression would wake people up.

Interesting times.

Post One Hundred Fifty Three: The story behind yesterday's post

2008-10-14T09:48:00.000-05:00

While things have apparently recovered in my household, I wanted to vent just a little, as well as make a record for posterity's sake.

This past Friday, the wife had arranged for us to have dinner with some friends that evening. While arrangements were being made, I told her I had a deposition in Houston that day, but that it shouldn't be a problem getting back in time.

Well, needless to say I could not get on an earlier flight back to Dallas thanks to my lack of standing with American Airlines. At around 2:00 that afternoon, I told her I would not be able to get on an earlier flight. I landed at DFW at 8:30. She somehow made this my fault, and thinks it was "rude" (again, me) despite my utter lack of control over the situation.

Things did not get any better over the weekend.

Saturday morning she gets up with the kids and is pissed at that to start out. She takes them to ice skating lessons, and I proceed to try to mow the lawn. The weedeater, however, suffers damage after a fall. After spending time trying to fix it (and scratching up my ankle and hand doing so . . . don't ask), I have to go out and see if I can find a part at a motor shop. Conveniently, the shop decides to close at noon on that particular Saturday, which I discovered when I show up there at @ 11:35 with the store already closed. So I don't get the necessary piece. I return home to mow the lawn (front and back). After I finish, I walk in and she is annoyed that I'm just finishing up at that time. Sigh.

After getting cleaned up, we sit at the table to discuss errands. She has to go to the store, I have to get my oil changed. She is apparently annoyed that both kids did not want to go with me (only the oldest).

We then have dinner at another friend's house Saturday night, and afterwards she is pissed off because the host invited all the guys to watch the OSU/Missouri game after dinner, and all of the husbands tag along. Not one word of complaint from any of the ladies, and all of the couples' kids are off entertaining themselves, but she takes it out on me, of course.

Sunday, I get up with the kids and let her sleep in. We then proceed to go to church, return home, then I have to go back to the church for a 2+ hour council meeting. I come home just wanting to watch the Cowboys game, and she gives me grief because she is in the process of cleaning out her closet, and not helping with that. I watch the game anyway.

We then have dinner, and we go upstairs. She's watching Extreme Home Makeover and complains that she just wants an hour to watch the show uninterrupted so I have responsibility to watch the kids. My oldest and a friend of hers who is staying over are entertaining themselves. The youngest, however, is tired and grumpy, and only wants to be with her mommy. I suppose I could have torn her away (making the situation worse) but oh, well.

I then put the youngest to bed, and take the other two downstairs to give the wife some "alone time." About two hours worth. I get the girls to bed. After that, the wife lays into me about her not having her hour to watch the Home Makeover show, and once again complaining about how she does "everything" around the house. This is a constant refrain because when I do housework I don't make a point of doing it in her presence so I can get credit for it. Regardless, I apparently do nothing around the house, despite my having taken care of the dishes, all the lawn work, folded two baskets of laundry, taken care of trash, etc., etc. She goes to bed pissed.

Monday morning, she is still pissed at me and did not set any kind of alarm to wake us up, despite the fact that I still have to go to work on Columbus Day (she is home with the kids). I wake up at 7:00 a.m., and have to tear ass out. All of this happens with my just taking this abuse: no counter, no recriminations on my part. Then she sends me an e-mail wondering why it is that "she's the bad guy" and again, how I don't do anything around the house.

Being married is a good thing.

Being married is worthwhile.

Post One Hundred Fifty Two: Reminder

2008-10-13T13:16:00.001-05:00

Being married is a good thing.

Being married is worthwhile.

Post One Hundred Fifty One: Progress Report

2008-10-09T20:47:00.000-05:00

I have made absolutely no progress on putting together my Top 10 bands. Maybe I should just reduce it to five. Wouldn't reducing my workload increase the likelihood that I actually get it done? And hell, I already know the Top 2.

I'm heading to Houston tomorrow. Again. Yet another deposition to take. A little about that: my firm is handling some cases for Hurricane Katrina victims against their insurers. Fun stuff, and it's been pretty rewarding to the firm, it seems. We started out with about 50 cases, and have pared the list down to about 5, settling the vast majority. One insurer, who shall remain nameless, has turned out to be incredibly stubborn. More power to them I suppose: if I was representing them with the plaintiffs we represent on the other side, I'd probably be resistant to settlement, too.

Anyway, there are three of us attorneys who are handling the depositions in the cases. As it was initially divided up, I was to present the clients and our expert witnesses for their depositions (as well as taking the occasional fact witness), another would be taking the depositions of the insurers' employees (adjusters, corporate reps, etc.), and a third would focus on taking the depositions of the defense experts. A pretty good split of responsibility.

As it turns out, however, I'm getting saddled with more and more of the insurers' employees. The partner who was initially assigned these witnesses seems to come up with convenient excuses for not being able to travel. This means they get dumped on me, usually with something of a short notice. It's starting to piss me off: I've been out of town on an average of 2-3 days per week and it's wearing on me and the family. The hours are making my monthly reports look good, but I'm just getting tired of it. At least it seems to finally be winding down: one more deposition in Tallahassee is scheduled for next week, then I think that's it for a while.

That's about it for now. I'll try to make my next post a bit more interesting.

Post One Hundred Fifty: The previously referenced "last night"

2008-09-22T16:25:00.000-05:00

The other night I went out with a friend I used to work with (a female attorney friend . . . no, not like that; get your mind out of the gutter). We were at a bar for happy hour, playing the electronic trivia (which I kicked her ass at), then went out to see a Ratt cover band. A friend of hers was subbing in for one of the guitarists, so she just had to go see them play.

Never mind that they didn't hit the stage until 11:00 p.m. Jesus.

Theirs is a very strange interaction. I don't use the term "relationship" to avoid the implications of same, but perhaps my use of the term "friend" was a little off the mark. I do not know exactly how to describe it but it is an odd one. To start off with, my friend is over 40 years old. The guitarist is 18.

While there is purportedly nothing sexual about the relationship (and I take her at her word, and it would shock the hell out of me if there were), the appeal for her lies in the fact that he is a young guitar player playing in various hair bands. She is a huge 80s metal band fan, particularly of Motley Crue, and as luck would have it he also plays in a Motley Crue tribute band.

Sidebar: is there anything more sad than musicians who play in tribute bands? It's like a constant existence of dress-up and playing pretend.

Anyway, she constantly raves about his playing ability . . . meh, I don't know. I've seen him a couple of times, and while he plays pretty well technically I get no semblance of feeling from him. He strikes me as a wanker on guitar, more "style" than substance. At least as much style one can have nowadays by dressing up like a Nikki Sixx wannabe.

Regardless, the dude is also a fucking bum from what I can tell. He has no job other than these gigs which according to my friend net the band about $45 a night (what a shit gig, huh?). He suffers from a severe case of lead singer disease and apparently uses anyone clinging on to him (i.e., the girls) against each other so they will buy him shit: CDs, clothes, guitars (!), jewelry, financing studio time, and the like. It is so fucking sad that these hangers-on buy into this shit.

She tells me that she does not hand out money to support this guy. But the problem is she hangs out with such a shit crowd: him, his dad (an 80s relic), and the losers who frequent dive bars to see 80s metal cover bands play. Don't get me wrong: I've been to some of these shows but her crowd lives for this shit. She's smarter than this crowd but it's dragging her down. What is it about girls that gets them sucked into these situations?

Post One Hundred Forty Nine: Ideas for Posts

2008-09-13T21:22:00.000-05:00

I'm not quite feeling up to posting tonight--late night last night (but not much beer, interestingly) and I haven't been able to make up any of the missed sleep--but I did want to record a few of my thoughts about some upcoming posts. One of the first will be about last night, more specifically about the friend I was out with.

I'm also planning a series of ten posts on my Top 10 bands. The idea is to provide a review of their body of work and explaining the "why they deserve a place on the list" issue. The posts will start with #10 and work their way through #1 (gee, I wonder who that's going to be?).

First, though, I have to come up with the list. I'll get right on that.

Back to college football.

Post One Hundred Forty Eight: Worth Remembering

2008-09-11T11:09:00.001-05:00

There is a disturbing phenomenon creeping into the public debate about all things 9/11. Increasingly, Sept. 11 is compared to hurricanes, bridge collapses and other mechanical disasters or criminal acts that result in loss of life, with "body count" being the primary factor that keeps it in the top spot of "worst in the nation's history."

Misremembering is as dangerous as forgetting. If we must know one thing, it is that the Sept. 11 attacks were neither a natural disaster, nor the unfortunate result of human error. 9/11 wasn't the catastrophic equivalent of a 3,000-car pileup.

The attacks were not a random act of violence or insanity. They were a deliberate and brutal act of war committed by religious fanatics engaged in Islamic jihad against the United States, all non-Muslim people and any Muslim who wishes to live in a secular society. Worse, the people who perpetrated the attacks have explicitly told us that they are not done.

Sept. 11 is a date that comes and goes once a year, but "9/11" is with us every day. The body count keeps rising - Bali, Riyadh, Istanbul, Madrid, Beslan, London, Amman.

We now clearly know that the 1993 World Trade Center bombing was part of the holy war against America. When we previously dismissed this as a random attack by crazy men and declared ourselves lucky that "only six lives were lost," we effectively disarmed ourselves. Eight years later, six became 3,000. While the comparison to other "tragedies" may help us cope with what has befallen us, we must resist being glib and intellectually careless.

Our fellow human beings were not "lost" in 1993 or on 9/11. They were torn to pieces. We must not give the enemy any quarter. We must confront the reality of their acts.

Post One Hundred Forty Seven: Football 2008

2008-09-07T15:24:00.001-05:00

So glad to see it back.

Post One Hundred Forty Six: Surviving

2008-09-05T22:49:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow my wife returns from China/London/Paris. I have survived another one of her two-week plus work excursions. I am currently sitting in my room, drinking a couple of beers, and getting set to watch this week's episode of Hard Knocks on HBO. Time to veg and reflect.

Today we had an insurance company settle a case out from under us. Paid over $300K on a case that was inherently winnable, and didn't even tell us they were doing it. The truly unfortunate thing is that if there were any locks in law, this would be one of them. Due to a chicken-shit insurance agent, however, the firm (including me) is deprived of another case in the "win" column.

Jesus.

Well, at least it alleviates my work burden to an extent. My late-September was absolutely booked with depositions in this case, all of which have gone away. Now I'm probably going to have to be a little bit creative with my billing. Dammit. I do have a couple of trips to Mississippi lined up, so there is that.

Oh, well. Trials in October, November and January to look forward to. More later. I've got beer to drink and Cowboys-related TV to watch.

Post One Hundred Forty Five: Labor Day

2008-09-01T08:58:00.000-05:00

The wife is currently in London/Paris, and will be returning home Saturday after being out of the country for 15 days. This leaves me with the kids on a holiday, i.e., no school to take the kids off my hands for the day. That's okay because of the two of us I'm the one who can actually handle being left alone with the kids for more than an overnight trip.

The kids woke me up this morning so I could fix them bacon and eggs. That went over okay, but I think all they really wanted was the left-over donut holes from yesterday. Got them showered and dressed, and now the plan is to go see Kung Fu Panda* at the dollar theater this afternoon, at which point they'll likely have popcorn and a drink. Then we'll run by the mall so I can get a new battery put in a watch, then return home so I can cook hamburgers on the grill (it is Labor Day after all). Gotta remember the tater tots, too. I have a fantasy football draft at 7:15 tonight, so the kids will be watching something at that time. Then, after I get the kids to bed, I'll likely try to do some work but I may just decide to hit bed early. That's my Labor Day in a nutshell.

You know, the wife could not handle it if I went away for two weeks solid. Shit, if I go away for three days (such as when I was in Tallahassee) she constantly bitches about the kids and everything she's got going on at work. Give me a fucking break. It's just a matter of not getting too worked up over minor stuff. Also, it helps if you force the kids to find things to do ("go outside and play" is a great phrase) as opposed to just turning on the TV and letting them veg out in front of it. That leads to big-time boredom.

But I will say breaks are important. Yesterday I brought the babysitter over to take care of the kids for a couple hours so I could go to the gym. I also went out and found a small table for our printer in the study, which had been taking up a bunch of space on the desk. That 3-hour break helped. Of course, all I can do now is think about how much I have to do for work, but that'll take care of itself (figuratively, I mean: I just have a knack for getting things done when they need to get done).

Regardless, I'm looking forward to the wife getting back. I need a happy hour out.

*We actually watched this at home a couple of weeks ago, but the copy was not very good. To the reader of the blog that this is relevant to, please try and be a little more careful about what you make available, will you?**

**Joking, I'm joking! Please don't terminate my password!

Post One Hundred Forty Four: End of a geek thing

2008-08-27T19:33:00.000-05:00

Today I made the decision to quit collecting comic books. I don't want to go too much into it, but what it boils down to is that I just haven't been entertained by what I've been reading.

Augh. Kind of down about this (well, that and the never-ending workload that has beat me down). So I'm just going to end this post and go mope.

***CORRECTION***

Um, never mind this post. I've just decided to cut way back.

Post One Hundred Forty Three: Fucking Storm

2008-08-23T05:05:00.000-05:00

It is 6 a.m. in Tallahassee. I was woken up about 15 minutes ago by an automated call from American Airlines informing me that my 9:05 a.m. flight out of Tallahassee has been canceled. This after I missed my flight last night due to the fact that the fucking deposition took 12.5 fucking hours (although this assumes the flight actually left).

FUCK.

My rescheduled flight now does not leave until 6:00 fucking PM, getting me in at 11:30 p.m. tonight.

FUCK.

Right now, my kids are being babysat by their Aunt Wendy. I'm supposed to take them to my parents' house today, who are going to take care of my youngest this upcoming week. I've shot an e-mail to the parents informing them of the situation. I think I'm going to try to persuade them to meet Wendy half way in Burleson to pick up the kids and I'll be down tomorrow to pick them up.

This is just perfect. Fucking weather.

Post One Hundred Forty Two: Some time to kill

2008-08-21T13:05:00.001-05:00

I truly appreciate the defense attorney at my deposition this morning. He got to the point, got his opinions, and finished the deposition by noon. Outstanding.

Except now I have an entire day to kill.

I've checked the local movie listings. I was interested in seeing Hellboy II but it is not playing anywhere in a 15-mile radius around here. Talk about a mood-killer. So now I'm sitting around the hotel trying to figure out something to do. I am currently watching Burn Notice on USA (my third attempt to get into this show), but I truly hate fake Russian accents such as the one a blonde chick with an Owen Wilson-ish nose is throwing around.

But then Bruce Campbell makes an appearance and the show is redeemed.

I'm probably going to make a run to Border's later to browse. I'll also probably do some work on another case involving an analysis of proceeds paid and what interest the client may be liable for. But that is a higher level math issue (at least that's what I'm dreading) so the motivation to get started on that is not too great. But I'll get it done.

Damn I wish today's deposition had been set for tomorrow. Instead, I'm at the mercy of a defense attorney from a firm that has been exhibiting a strong pattern of billing as many hours as possible just because they want to. I have a 6:05 flight out of Tallahassee tomorrow (of course, this assumes Fay is going to let me out) to Miami so I can make it back to Dallas.

At this point, things don't look promising. But I'll tell you this: if I am stuck here tomorrow, I'm drinking heavily.

Post One Hundred Forty One: I'm in Tallahassee

2008-08-20T21:01:00.000-05:00

I'm still not sure if I'm spelling the name of this city right, but here I am in Florida. Three and 1/2 days (if I'm lucky) of defending the deposition of one expert. That's right: three days of the same damn thing.

While it basically sucks, there are a couple of pluses: first, there is not a lot of prep work to do on this. The expert is pretty much going to say what he is going to say, and I don't have a lot of control over him (a fact acknowledged by one of the partners at the firm). It is a good thing that he is always on message, even when he doesn't need to be.

Second, I rack up the billable hours doing these kind of trips. For instance, I spend time reviewing the expert reports (among other things) while I'm killing time in the hotel. And pretty much every moment I am out of the room I am billing. Not that it matters since I'm out here on some contingency cases (plaintiffs' work . . . gads), so it's not like I'm bringing in an hourly rate. But it still goes to my hours report at the end of the month.

And I'm going to need the hours. The wife leaves for Asia on Friday for two-plus weeks. At this point I am just hoping that I make it home Friday night. There is a chance that I could miss my Friday night flight due to the length of the deposition; if that's the case, my girls will have to stay with my youngest's godparents (a couple of our best friends) overnight, and I really don't want to have to do that to either the girls or our friends. In any event, I owe them huge.

Excuse me, I have to go find something else on TV other than this shitty Robin Williams movie on HBO that just started.

. . .

Oh, good: Family Guy.

Has anyone else noticed just how shitty HBO is when you're staying in a hotel? Yes, Hard Knocks was on tonight, but could they possibly show any more of Generation Kill? Having been forced to watch each fucking episode (most at least twice), I can tell you that show is vastly overrated. It's time for hotels to upgrade to Showtime.

Anyway, I'm going to bed. Enough of this.

Post One Hundred Forty: A plan comes together

2008-08-16T14:39:00.001-05:00

Occasionally, I carry around a Zippo lighter. I don't smoke, I don't go to enough concerts to justify it, and I have never had the occasion to whip it out to light a girl's cigarette at a bar. It's probably just the pyromaniac part of me that likes playing with fire.

Anyway, I was at the airport making my way from remote parking last Tuesday, I realized I had the friggin' lighter in my pocket. I was running a bit late, so I didn't have time to take it back to my car. But I also knew that if I tried to bury it in one of my bags, it could be found, confiscated, and ultimately thrown away. Not wanting to lose it, I set it on top of some advertisement that was hanging on the wall of the hallway leading to the airport from the parking garage. Three days later (and after a very successful day of Katrina mediations), it was right where I left it.

Good things.

Post One Hundred Thirty Nine: Opening ceremony observations

2008-08-08T22:16:00.001-05:00

Anyone else notice that female Olympic athletes tend to be very, very attractive?

Post One Hundred Thirty Eight: The Dark Knight

2008-08-05T21:15:00.000-05:00

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention it but I saw The Dark Knight (undoubtedly coming to a shock to anyone who has ever stumbled across this blog). I don't think anyone can put it better than Chris Sims did on his Invincible Super Blog. So I'll leave it at that.

Two posts in one day. TAKE THAT!

Post One Hundred Thirty Seven: 241.40

2008-08-05T20:11:00.001-05:00

241.40. That's how many hours I billed in the month of July. I have been so friggin' busy at work that I have barely had time to breath, let alone make any attempt to post my random thoughts and amusements. Between trial (successful again, more to follow) and trips to Beaumont and Mississippi, I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Yeah, it's a cliche but I've always found it amusing.

Anyway, back to the trial: we represented an emergency room physician who was sued by the estate of a 77-year-old man who died of cancer. You might guess that the lawsuit stems from some sort of failure to diagnose the cancer, but you'd be wrong. Instead, this lawsuit stemmed from an alleged failure to diagnose an eye injury following an auto accident that occurred two years before his death.

Never mind that there were no complaints of eye pain in the ER.

Never mind the fact that at least four separate health care professionals examined his eyes without noticing any injury to the eye.

Never mind that our doctor is, quite simply, a stud ER doc educated at some of the finest universities and medical schools in this country (including the Mayo Clinic).

Never mind the fact that plaintiffs did not have an ER physician expert, but instead relied on a treating ophthalmologist to offer opinions on the standard of care for an ER physician.

In any event, the jury deliberated for about 15 minutes and came back with a unanimous verdict in our favor. It was a fun trial. I was responsible for the cross-examination of the decedent's son who made the wholly unsupported allegation that our doc never even saw the patient. Obviously, the jury didn't buy a word of it.

Again, winning is fun. Beats the hell out of settling or, God forbid, losing.

Post One Hundred Thirty Six: Baffled

2008-07-13T13:19:00.000-05:00

I'll make this a quick post since I'm currently preparing for trial, but wanted to share what happened with me last night. The wife and I were returning from one of her friend's house parties, and we turned on to the access road that would eventually get us to the turn to our house. As we proceeded up the incline, I checked my rear view mirror and saw what I thought were Jeep headlights somewhere in the distance behind me. They were round, and far behind me. No issue to me so I put my attention back to the road.

I am going up the incline behind a smaller SUV, and the next thing I know some car has come screaming up behind me, seemed to narrowly avoid my tail end, swerved around me and proceeds to quickly drive by me. He passes the smaller SUV then cuts it off quite closely. I could tell this because the driver of the smaller SUV flashed his lights at the car, which turned out to be a black Dodge Charger. I comment to the wife about this sequence of events, but that was it.

We proceed to our turn, which has a turn lane. All three of the cars move into the turn lane, and are stopped. All of a sudden, this guy gets out of the Charger, two cars ahead, and starts talking trash while walking toward the back of his car. My first thought was that he was upset with the guy who flashed his lights at him. But then he walks past the SUV and comes and starts yelling at me, asking me if I've got something to say, and making obscene gestures in my direction.

I am completely and utterly baffled. I didn't do anything to this guy. I didn't flip him off, make any kind of gesture towards him, didn't even yell anything at him through my window as he passed by. He passed me too quickly for me to have any sort of reaction like that. I have no idea what he's upset about or what he's accusing me of.

Then he decides to hit my driver's side window.

That provoked a reaction.

We were in the new Honda Civic, which I very rarely drive, and I start scrambling for the door handle, trying to find the fucking thing. He starts going back to his car, and I finally get my door open and raise myself out of the car's ridiculously little seat.

A slight sidebar: I am 6'4", and weigh approximately 220 lbs. I don't carry fat, and I try to work out at the gym about 4 times a week. I don't get physically intimidated. So I proceed to walk towards the front of my car, asking what the hell is he talking about. Oddly, I don't even think I cussed at him.

Not surprisingly, the guy decides to get in his car and drive off.

I talked to the guy in the SUV who asked if my wife or I knew that guy. I have no idea who he was, other than some apparently drunk asshole with anger-management issues. We both pretty much shrug and go our separate ways, but I am still baffled as to what that was all about.

Post One Hundred Thirty Five: My "Vacation"

2008-06-28T10:44:00.001-05:00

Last week, we had our first real family vacation: we made the pilgrimage to Disney World. Left on Saturday, and returned the next Sunday. A full week with the wife, kids, my in-laws, the wife's sister and her family.

It was a beating.

Don't get me too wrong: it was quite enjoyable and the kids absolutely ate up Disney. Personally, I've always been more of a WB fan, but that doesn't change the fact that my two little girls absolutely love the princesses and the mouse. Much like every other little girl on the planet.

This vacation was by no means a vacation for me, though. I returned more exhausted than I left what with keeping up with the kids and walking around all of the parks in Orlando in absolutely oppressive humidity. Tack on to that the fact that my wife, her sister, and their dad have some very serious control issues which constantly came into conflict with each other. That made for some very pleasant scenes in the park.

Overall everyone had a good time. I will admit, though, that if presented with the opportunity I might pass on future vacation opportunities that would involve the entirety of the wife's family.

What else warrants mention . . . ?

Anthrax kicked ass in Chicago about a month ago. Great, great show, technical difficulties notwithstanding. And I truly dig at least two of the new songs they played, so I have a new Anthrax album to look forward to later this year.

The Incredible Hulk was great: exactly what I wanted to see in a Hulk movie, i.e., lots of shit being destroyed as a result of very heavy things being tossed around like softballs. I liked Norton's repeated acknowledgment of the TV series, one of my favorites being the mention of Jack McGee, the campus reporter who witnessed the Hulk's battle with the military. Also, nice job setting up the Leader via Tim Blake Nelson. I was thinking that was who "Mr. Blue" was going to turn out to be. And while I don't think it was ever mentioned, I think they also threw in (the future?) Doc Samson, albeit in non-powered up form.

Post One Hundred Thirty Four: Too much shit to do

2008-05-17T23:45:00.000-05:00

So the wife is in New York. Left this morning. leaving me with the kids once again. At least this is a short trip: she'll be back on Tuesday.

Between now and then, I have too much shit to do. [For purposes of this post, I'm backing up to the beginning of the weekend.] My oldest daughter had two soccer games today, and one tomorrow. I have to go and exchange a Dallas Stars jersey I bought for my youngest daughter for a larger size. I really should get the kids to church in the morning. I have laundry that needs to be done. I should probably fix the mower and then mow the lawn, but that's probably not going to happen. Most pressingly, I have to coordinate four rooms in the house, picking up all of the knick-knack shit and disconnecting the electronics so that the painters we have hired can get their job done on Monday a.m. when they come in. I also have to pull together my outline for an expert witness deposition on Monday afternoon. (This will probably actually wait until Monday when I get into the office.)

Augh.

But there is a bright side. The kids are asleep and I'm watching Firefly on the Universal HD station in my Sanctum Santorum. I'm also drinking beers. I started working out at LA Fitness two days ago and I've got a good soreness going, having had two of my better workouts in a long time. In a week and a half, i go to Chicago for the first concert with Anthrax's new lead singer, Dan Nelson.

Overall, life is good.

Post One Hundred Thirty Three: No Texarkana for me

2008-05-06T15:27:00.000-05:00

Whew. A case involving an anticipated two-week trial in Texarkana just settled this morning.

Thank God.

Don't get me wrong: we were ready for trial and had a pretty damn good defense strategy laid out. Were the odds of a defense verdict stacked against us? Yes, they were. But this firm has developed quite the reputation for being able to pull the metaphorical rabbit out of the hat come trial (e.g.).

No, my praise is simply due to the fact that I will not have to spend two weeks in Texarkana.

Post One Hundred Thirty Two: Iron Man

2008-05-05T17:14:00.000-05:00

Wow.

I mean, really, what more can be said? The makers (particularly Favreau) and the stars (particularly Downey) nailed it. Up and down, left and right. Captured the character perfectly, and made it ridiculosly entertaining.

I have read that Iron Man is the best reviewed movie of 2008, so I'm not going to waste more space heaping more well-deserved praise on it. But I do have a couple of notes and addenda:

First off, Rhodey's comment "Next time, baby!" while looking at the Mark 2 armor was near-perfect.

Second, Jeff Bridges was great as Obadiah Stane: shaved head and full beard works for him. He should consider a permanent change.

Third, the tease at the end of the credits (which I have been made aware of; I, the idiot, didn't stay until the end) was genius. The "Avengers Initiative," indeed. Brilliant.

But on to the addenda. I have read that in addition to announcing "Iron Man 2" for April 30, 2010, Marvel's quarter financial report has noted that Matthew Vaughan's Thor will be released June 4, 2010 [HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!], "The First Avenger: Captain America" will debut May 6, 2011 and "The Avengers" hitting the silver screen July 2011. But back to Thor: I read on Wiki that Thor himself will cameo first in Iron Man 2.

Does anyone else realize just how brilliantly Marvel is handling these things now that they have their own studio? Teases, tie-ins, cameos, team-ups . . . DC only dreams of having things so good (not that this is going to affect my attending The Dark Knight on opening day).

Anyway, the Thor announcments have gotten me thinking. While I initially had some misgivings about the movie when I first heard about it, I'm really interested in how they're going to do it. From what I have read, the writer is focusing on the Asgardian world; gods, giants, etc. I think that will work in and of itself.

But then how to tie it into the Avengers movie? I think they have to blend the Marvel Universe with the Ultimates universe. At the end of the initial movie, Thor is punished by Odin for being too cocky/egotistical, and banished to Midgard (Earth). Just as was done in the Marvel Universe. However, instead of taking the whole Donald Blake alter ego storyline, have him perceived as the "delusional" superhuman as portrayed in the Ultimates. I think that could be pulled off pretty well.

Post One Hundred Thirty One: Dammit

2008-04-26T09:20:00.000-05:00

Remember my post from yesterday? My flight out of Monroe was canceled about five minutes after I finished typing it. The perfect end to a perfect couple of days.

Regardless, instead of staying the night in glorious Monroe I quickly proceeded to Avis and rented a car one-way to Dallas. It's typically about a four and 1/2 hour trip but since it was a rental I made it back to Dallas in about 3 and 1/2. Drive it like you stole it, indeed.

Of course, once I got back to Dallas I had to go to the airport, return the rental, wait for the bus to take me to the terminal, then wait for another bus to take me to my parked car. I got home past midnight. Augh.

But I'm now at home with my family. I'm tired, but I'm home. All's good.

Post One Hundred Thirty: Here I Sit

2008-04-25T17:26:00.000-05:00

I am wrapping up my trip to glorious Monroe, Louisiana, where I defended two of my clients' depositions in Katrina-related litigation. It has been a long two days.

I flew in yesterday morning only to have American Eagle lose my fucking bag. I was one of five people on the plane (and it was a prop-plane, not even a jet!), and I arrived at DFW airport at least an hour before my flight. Jesus, the flight was actually late leaving DFW and they still failed to get my bag on the G.D. plane.

Unbelievable.

Anyway, I have now completed the defense of two of my clients' depositions. At one point I was actually concerned that I would not make my 4:40 flight out of Monroe, Louisiana, particularly when the deposing attorney told me that she normally took the full seven hours allotted on these depositions (and she was kind of cute, by the way). But my clients were well-prepared and avoided the creation of rabbit-trails, so the depos moved right along. I made it to the airport in plenty of time, over an hour before the scheduled take-off.

Well, as I should have expected my flight has been delayed. Twice. It is now scheduled to ARRIVE in Monroe at 7:00 p.m. This means I won't be taking off out of here until at least 7:30, giving me a home-time of about 9:00.

I should mention that my house is almost as big as this airport.

Regardless, I now sit in the Monroe airport bar (and to its credit, it is a great bar with a great bartenderess (in the making you feel at home, talky, pouring cheap beer, and being overall very cool way)). I am drinking beer and I plan to submit my bill to the office. I have a free internet connection. While I might normally be kind of pissed about the whole situation at this point I just don't give a fuck. Flight delays, like lost luggage, are totally out of your hands. There isn't any point in getting too pissed.

Post One Hundred Twenty Nine: Yeah, I'm Going

2008-04-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

So Anthrax is having a warm-up gig in Chicago featuring Dan Nelson, the band's new lead singer. His first show with Anthrax ever.

I'm going.

The wife is currently in Asia: has been for 10 days, and will be there for another five. This has left me in charge of the house and kids for the last 10 days, and for another five. All by myself. Getting them up, dressing them, feeding them, getting them to school, picking them up, feeding them, getting them ready for bed, getting them to sleep, then starting the whole thing all over the next day. Not to mention doing all of the laundry, dishes, picking up, and other household tasks (including all of the tasks I normally do, such as mowing).

It's a fucking beating.

So I'm going to Chicago on May 28th for a little reward to me. I've bought my ticket and cashed in a Southwest Frequent Flyer Rapid Reward certificate for my flight.

Some might call me "insane." But fuck it. How often do you get to go see your favorite band begin a new era?

Post One Hundred Twenty Eight: MY Room

2008-04-12T21:41:00.001-05:00

I am sitting in my new Sanctum Sanctorum. My wife suggested getting rid of the weight bench downstairs, getting a new TV, and turning the exercise room into a media room.

Needless to say, this didn't take too much convincing.

I now relax in a Pier 1 leather chair and ottoman, and there is a new sleeper sofa next to me if I want to lay down. The 47" Vizio (1080p) is sitting on the new Pier 1 stand across the room showing the Stars beating the Ducks in Game 2 of their Stanley Cup playoff series. The TV plays in stereo, as it is hooked up to my Sony amp piping through two Bose tower speakers.

My XBox 360 is hooked up, networked in so I have access to all the movies and music I have on my "home server" upstairs, and I have a Gold membership to XBox Live now. The kids are sleeping (as far as I know), the wife is in Asia, my yellow lab is sleeping peacefully in the middle of the room, and I currently browse the internet. All I need to do is figure out what color to paint the walls, since the wife has pretty much given me carte blanche on decorating the room.

I think I'm going to put a lock on the door and allow people in by invite only.

Post One Hundred Twenty Seven: A foul mood

2008-03-24T09:18:00.000-05:00

I am in a ridiculously foul mood this morning, and I'm trying to figure out why. Could be because my week is absolutely slammed: to Houston this afternoon, got a deposition in Dallas tomorrow a.m., a hearing on Wednesday morning, followed by a meeting with an expert, followed by a flight to California Wednesday night for a deposition, and back on Thursday.

Or it could be the Mavericks: they just lost Dirk to a leg injury yesterday (ankle and/or knee), and since no one else on the team plays like they fucking care, the Mavs are dead in the water.

Or it could be that I didn't work out yesterday, and I'm getting antsy/wound up.

Shoot me now.

Post One Hundred Twenty Six: Follow-up on the ESPN thing

2008-03-21T14:13:00.001-05:00

ESPN called this morning and let me know that I would be receiving a Stars replica jersey AND a $100 gift certificate at the Stars shop at the AA Arena (or as I like to refer to it, the "Hangar").

Really, that is quite decent of the promotions staff at ESPN and I truly appreciate their efforts to make it right.

/what an embarrassing typo

Post One Hundred Twenty Five: Savage Love

2008-03-21T13:28:00.000-05:00

I read Dan Savage's column, Savage Love, via The Onion's AV Club. Mainly, I do this for the freakshow effect, but it's kind of interesting to me how much I, as a pretty conservative guy, agree with him. While I can't really support his chosen political candidates given their fiscal policies (i.e., taxing me to death), we both seem to share a hatred of the Religious Right that has inflitrated and poisoned the Republican party, leading to a total abandonment of the principles of fiscal conservatism and respect for individuals rights and privacy in exchange for a salacious embrace of spending every damn dime (and THEN some) brought in via ridiculously high tax rates rendered even more onerous by an unnecessarily complex and punishing bureaucracy in order to satisfy pork quotas in the districts of our duly-elected representatives who all the while hypocritically bray about "family values" while trying to get in Senate pages' pants behind their family members' backs or cutting back room deals to line their own pockets with lobbyist cash (and don't even try to read this as any kind of limited bitch at Republicans; this goes for Democrats, too) so that even fucking more increases in the budget can be made the next year so this country can go even more in debt, weakening the dollar even further that allows countries around the world to start calendaring the United States' purported downfall while we do or are asked to do every GODDAMN THING TO FUCKING BAIL THEM OUT OF EVERY GODDAMN JAM EVERY MOTHERFUCKING COUNTRY GETS THEMSELVES INTO WITHOUT EVEN A FUCKING WORD OF APPRECIATION JESUS CHRIST I HATE THE SCUMBAGS IN CONGRESS WHO JUST DON'T FUCKING GET IT!

. . .

But I digress a bit.

In any event, this recent column of Savage's struck me. I've probably got friends and family members who view homosexuality as a burn-in-hell sin. But how would they feel if their closest friends or even children were gay?

Me? I don't really care what anyone's sexual orientation is. It's the way you're born, as near as I can tell. I mean, why would anyone choose to put themselves through the levels of shit that gays have to go through, particularly in their teenage years? As for my kids, as long as they're happy, healthy, smart, and moral, I'll be thanking God.

Regardless, read the column and figure out what kind of parent/friend you would want to be.

Post One Hundred Twenty Four: Dave Pirner

2008-03-17T06:51:00.001-05:00

I traveled to Biloxi, Mississippi yesterday for some mediations going on this week, and arrived at Love Field in Dallas to wait for my flight. I was in the lobby, having just finished my Chili's quesadillas, when a little boy pulling a suitcase and his mom came walking up and sat down across from me. Shortly after they sat down, up walked Dave Pirner from Soul Asylum. I recognized him right off: the dude's still got the same distinctive hair. But still, there was some twinge of doubt, so I looked up a few photos of him on Flicker via my phone to confirm my suspicions. The pictures confirmed it, but then the boy's suitcase flipped over, revealing the boy's last name: Pirner. Proof positive.

I thought it was kind of cool that I recognized him when no one else did, but I wasn't going to be "that guy" and browbeat him while he's there with his wife and kid. In fact, I can't remember any instance of my being that enamored of celebrity to seek out a photo or autograph. So I went about my business, and just boarded the plane.

Well, on the flight I got to thinking about a couple of Soul Asylum's songs ("April Fool" and "99%") and how much I liked them, and decided I wanted to say something to him. So after the flight, I waited until he and his family broke away from the crowd and then quietly approached him to thank him for his contributions to my music collection. He laughed, said "thanks," we shook hands and I left him to his family. He seemed very down to earth and pretty normal (for a lead singer, I suppose), and I was glad I said something. How often do you get to personally thank these people for creating the music you love?

Post One Hundred Twenty Three: This sort of thing doesn't happen with the Ticket

2008-03-11T13:09:00.001-05:00

So a friend and I are at the Dallas Stars game Sunday night (and I suffered for it with a monster hangover on Monday) against Peter Forsberg and the Colorado Avalanche (more on that in just a bit). During the first period, they announce one of those "Text and Win" contests, this one for some kind of autographed jersey. I don't know whose autograph or what kind of jersey, but somehow it involved Michael Irvin. Whatever. Regardless, I go ahead and text in, and within two minutes I get the following message:

"ESPN: Congrats - You Win the Jersey! Go2 the ESPN Promo table behind section 120 to claim - show this message. Thx from 103.3 FM ESPN!"

How about that? Just about two weeks earlier I won a Blackberry Pearl from KTCK 1310 (the best sports radio station in DFW, or anywhere else for that matter) via text message, so I've got to admit I'm a pretty big fan of these sorts of contests.

So this day was just getting better and better. My friend is a Swede and a Peter Forsberg fan, and is there decked out in his bright yellow Sweden national team Forsberg jersey. At a STARS game. Not only that, he had been talking smack all week about how Forsberg was going to kill the Stars. And on top of that, Forsberg was credited with two assists against Dallas the night before in Colorado. So I'm feeling pretty sick of all that. But than my friend and I both notice that Forsberg isn't on the ice during warmups and start wondering where he is. Turns out Forsberg is announced as a pre-game scratch due to a groin injury. Needless to say, I'm very happy with this turn of events, particularly since my friend is sitting there in his Forsberg jersey just devastated. Bwha-hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

But back to the story. My friend and I proceed downstairs to find the table and collect my prize, but what do we find there but about 50 other people standing around waiting. Seems there was some kind of "glitch" with the text messaging system that resulted in ESPN sending out too many winner notices (144 too many, to be exact).

Dammit.

Well, I find it amusing, and I'm not all that put out. Hell, I had a couple beers in me at that time, had eaten a good meal, Forsberg was out, and Colorado only had one shot on goal through the first period. But I do go ahead and send a text to ESPN about how I will be FORCED to sue under Texas' Deceptive Trade Practices Act if I don't end up with the jersey in the make-up contest they asked everyone to sign up for. Really, the message was a joke. I have no time for filing that kind of lawsuit.

But hey, if it works, it works.

Well, this morning I got a call from someone at ESPN apologizing for the eff up, and saying they were working with the text company and the Stars to figure out some way to make it up to everyone. I doubt it's going to be an autographed jersey, but apparently their goal is to have it cleared up within 48 hours.

That's really pretty decent of them.

Post One Hundred Twenty Two: RIP

2008-03-05T13:29:00.001-06:00

--Thanks to Penny Arcade for the image

Post One Hundred Twenty One: Bloodsimple

2008-02-24T11:23:00.000-06:00

In an attempt to atone for my prior confession of occasionally enjoying some catchy, mass-market-appealing pop songs [NOTE: this does NOT refer to MGMT], I want to urge anyone who stumbles across this blog to go out and obtain a copy of Bloodsimple's Red Harvest. Best metal album of 2008. Or at least the best metal album I've bought in 2008, since I just checked and it appears to have been released in 2007.

My first real exposure to Bloodsimple was their cover of "5 to 1," one of my favorite Doors songs. I have long wanted someone to do a metal version of the song, or to cover it myself once I got my metal band together (ha!). And then I find this. Bloodsimple nailed it. Dammit. There goes the need to form my band.

Regardless, the last time I checked their cover was available on their MySpace page for download, so go see if it's still there. That's where I found it and I now have it on my iPod. After that, I was curious to see what they were about, but the songs I heard from them via Hard Attack on Sirius were more in the vein of straight-edge metal, like Hatebreed (at least that's my recollection). Not to knock straight-edge metal too much, but I like some elements of melody in my metal.

[Fuck. Again with the preference for catchy elements. Would it help me out to say that I own Napalm Death's "greatest hits," and that I think they are genius?]

Anyway, Sirius started out with "Whiskey Bent and Hellbound." I liked it and was encouraged. But the selling point was "Out to Get You." Hell of a song, and it drove me to pick it up over the weekend. While I have enjoyed every song on the album (it's a total package), high points include (other than those previously mentioned): "Ride With Me" (and again with the Doors . . . I sense an influence), "Dark Helmet," "Dead Man Walking," and one of my personal favorites, "Suck it Up."

So chalk me up as a fan of Bloodsimple. I'll make the effort to see them when they come through.

Post One Hundred Twenty: "Love Song" and other odds and ends

2008-02-21T21:25:00.000-06:00

I'm mainly a metalhead. Anthrax, Slayer, Lamb of God, etc. But thanks to Alt Nation on Sirius, I feel like my tastes continue to expand. Some might say mature. Regardless, some of the songs I end up really liking would strike many as odd (not the least of all me).

Take Sara Bareilles' "Love Song:" very much a throwback to the 70s. A simple piano tune and rhythm, with a sweeping chorus that is really catchy as hell. What strikes me most about the song is the lyrics. I'm not going to bother quoting them (take your lazy ass out and go listen to the song), but it strikes me as her ultimatum to a manager or a "suit" from the record company, telling him flat out that she's going to write and sing the songs she wants to. At least, I kind of hope that's what the song is about. If it's just some kind of lame put-off of a boyfriend, I'll be disappointed. In any event, I have been extremely guilty of blatantly misinterpreting the intentions of authors in the past (John Dunne and Lewis Carroll spring to mind), so I wouldn't be surprised if I'm missing the point of this little pop song.

Another band that I'm am very big on right now: MGMT. "Time to Pretend" has to be one of the greatest songs of the last year. Hellaciously catchy. Driving. Lyrics that are both entertaining and bittersweet. It's just one of those songs that moved me when I first heard it, and it hasn't changed since. Based on the strength of that song, I went and bought Oracular Spectacular. Admittedly, it took some time for it to grow on me, but there are some really good songs on there: "Kids", "The Youth," "Pieces of What," and "Electric Feel" are all high points. Go buy a copy.

Also worth mentioning: I'm a huge Jack Johnson fan. But really, who isn't? I'll be seeing him if and when he makes it through Texas.

Post One Hundred Nineteen: My daughter wants to eat breakfast

2008-02-12T10:09:00.000-06:00

Tuesday, 5:40 a.m. A call comes from my youngest daughter's (two years old) room:

"I want to eat breakfast."

It's loud and piercing, yet almost sung. Woke me up from my early morning doze.

"I want to eat breakfast."

The wife and I try to ignore it, thinking she'll find something more interesting to do in her room.

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

At this point we are both giggling, somewhat exasperated, but really, we want to see how far she'll take it.

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I . . . want . . . to . . . eat . . . breakfast."

Ah-ha, some slight variation.

"I . . . want . . . to . . . eat . . . breakfast."

"I . . . want . . . to . . . eat . . . breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

Back to the original chant, apparently.

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat cereal."

What's this? She's gotten specific!

"I want to eat cereal."

"I want to eat cereal."

"I want to eat cereal."

"I . . . want . . . to . . . eat . . . cereal."

"I . . . want . . . to . . . eat . . . cereal."

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat breakfast."

Slowly but surely getting louder now . . .

"I want to eat breakfast."

"I want to eat cereal."

"I want to eat breakfast."

Until she walks into our room. At which point, at 5:55 in the a.m., I get up (yeah, like my wife was going to get out of bed) and give my lovely, precious, youngest daughter Life cereal, apple juice, and a drinkable yogurt.

Post One Hundred Eighteen: Super Tuesday

2008-02-04T22:55:00.000-06:00

From Protein Wisdom:

[A]llow me to make the following suggestion to those whose entire political worldview is based around this amorphous (and purposely non-specific) desire for change: try crystal meth, or bang a tranny prostitute, or go pee-pee from an unfamiliar launching point. But please, please, don’t choose your president based on the promise of something different.

That’s what gave us Jimmy Carter. And we’re still living with that nightmare — even if a certain giant river bunny who took a presidential oar to the skull may not be.

Post One Hundred Seventeen: Super Bowl XLII

2008-02-03T21:36:00.001-06:00

No perfect season for you, Patriots. NOT YOURS.

That must be pretty rough knowing that their season means absolutely nothing now.

Post One Hundred Sixteen: Crucifying dishonest plaintiffs' attorneys is fun

2008-01-29T12:00:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I attended a hearing on the parties' respective Motions for Clarification and the Plaintiffs’ Fifth and Sixth Motions to Compel in one of my cases. This was one of those hearings that really had the potential to make me feel guilty about being paid to do my job.

The primary focus of the hearing stemmed from the Court’s signing of an order submitted by plaintiffs’ counsel that purported to compel the production of various records and corporate representative depositions from our client. The problem with the plaintiffs’ proposed order was that the court had made no such rulings. The judge, stating that he did not remember what rulings had been made, decided we had to go through the plaintiffs’ order to determine what he had decided. It was a shame for plaintiffs’ counsel, however, that we had a transcript of the parties’ understanding of the Court’s rulings which made it very easy for him to decide what was what.

As we went through the plaintiffs’ proposed order, no fewer than nine express misrepresentations of the Court’s rulings were uncovered. As you might guess, the judge was very disturbed by this (even leaving the courtroom at one point), particularly after he learned that I had written plaintiffs’ counsel setting out my objections to their proposed Order, copied the Court, yet plaintiffs’ counsel did not note these objections when they submitted the order. One of the two plaintiffs' attorneys repeatedly attempted to play ignorant, saying "he wasn’t at the original hearing," yet this only succeeded in throwing his partner under the bus (who was sitting right there). The judge repeatedly asked why these "rulings" were included in the order, which were met with explanations that they "thought" that was what was ruled. Again, the transcript put the lie to this proffered explanation.

The judge also expressed incredulity at the fact that the plaintiffs have done nothing to work up substantive aspects of this case, instead focusing on rabbit trails like a patient tracking system, various allegedly missing electronic medical records (which there aren't), and the emergency room log. The judge emphasized that there would be no continuance of our current trial date, and that at the rate they were going that the plaintiffs would not be ready to go.

Plaintiffs’ counsel moved on to their Fifth Motion to Compel which sought to compel several corporate representative depositions and, incredibly, authorization to send their own computer expert into our client's offices to search for records on their client. With respect to the corporate representative depositions, plaintiffs’ counsel quickly settled (no doubt due to the fact that they really wanted to get out of there) for a single representative regarding a very narrow topic. This was an immense (and quite favorable) narrowing of the scope of the originally sought topic that was incredibly overbroad. All other corporate representative depositions plaintiffs sought to compel in this motion were abandoned without an attempt at argument.

With respect to the computer expert, the Court again expressed bewilderment about what the plaintiffs actually expected to find from this. The judge held that if the plaintiffs really wanted to go forward with this, they would have to tender this alleged expert at a future hearing to explain exactly what it was they expected from him, but that he was not inclined to allow this to happen.

Finally, the plaintiffs argued their Sixth Motion to Compel, which sought patient information from 200+ patients that presented to the ER the same day as their client. The intent, as explained by plaintiffs’ counsel, was to second-guess the urgency status of each patient in relation to their client's medical status. As I explained to the Court, if this rabbit trail were followed we would be in trial forever in order to develop testimony from every patient, nurse, and doctor detailing each patient’s medical condition and presentation as well as the decision-making process on the urgency status. Unsurprisingly, the Court agreed and denied the motion to compel in its entirety.

This was a really good day for my firm and our client in front of the judge, who will no doubt not forget plaintiffs’ counsel’s actions up to this point. Tack on the fact that these two plaintiffs' attorneys (moreso one than the other, to be fair) have been condescending assholes up to this point, and it was a very good day for me.

I need more days like that.

Post One Hundred Fifteen: Chalk up another win for the firm

2008-01-16T16:52:00.000-06:00

My trial ended yesterday, which involved a 66-year-old woman who had fallen off a ladder. It was a significant fall (6-8 feet high), and she ended up striking her head on a hard ceramic floor. This resulted in a small laceration to her scalp (among other injuries). She went to the ER where she exhibited no neurological symptoms. Based on this lack of abnormal presentation, our doctor-client did not order a CT scan.

Notably, she was also on Coumadin at the time, but no blood-work was ordered.

As you may guess (given that a lawsuit stemmed from this incident), she returned to the ER two days later after experiencing left-sided numbness. This was the first neurological symptom she exhibited since falling. A CT scan was ordered at the ER that revealed a small brain bleed. She is now somewhat debilitated and largely confined to a wheelchair/scooter.

Jury came back 10-2, defense verdict. Our client wins and the insurance company is happy.

While some members of the jury believed the tests should have been ordered, it came down to an issue of causation. We had an eminent neuroradiologist who testified on two key issues. First, the location of the bleed was very unusual for a fall-type trauma. Her bleed was located in the midbrain and deep in the tissue/brain matter (the pons). Typically, when you knock your head after a fall you will experience a subdural hematoma which is a bruise or trauma to the surface of the brain. Per the good doctor's testimony (as well as that of the plaintiff's own expert), the sort of brain bleed she experienced usually involves severe trauma to the head (such as a beating with a baseball bat) that would be accompanied by the subdural injuries.

The second key to his testimony was that if the bleed was there on the day of her initial visit to the ER, she would have had severe neurological symptoms given the location of the bleed. As he put it, the bleed was found in a very "eloquent" part of the brain, a switchboard for many muscular and cognitive functions: any injury or bleed to that area of the brain would lead even a lay person to figure out that something was wrong.

In any event, it was a tricky case and could have just as easily gone the other way. Some may say it probably should have. But it was a nice win for our firm.

Post One Hundred Fourteen: Trial on Monday

2008-01-03T16:08:00.000-06:00

Got a trial on Monday. Currently very, very busy getting ready for it. Which is nice, and a much better alternative than killing time in the office.

But the wife is going to Germany on Monday afternoon, leaving me with kid duty for a week.

During trial.

I am a dead man.

Post One Hundred Thirteen: This thing is anonymous, right?

2007-12-20T16:27:00.000-06:00

Oh, shit.

Post One Hundred Twelve: G.D. Fantasy Football/Cowboys

2007-12-17T08:35:00.000-06:00

So this was the first week of playoffs in my fantasy league.

I have Romo, TO, and Antonio Gates.

NOT ONE OF THEM SHOWS THE FUCK UP THIS WEEK.

Barring some absolute miracle (i.e., Sidney Rice catches 5 TDS against Chicago, while Hester returns three for TDs), I'm now playing for third place.

After being in FIRST FUCKING PLACE THE ENTIRE FUCKING SEASON.

Dammit.

Post One Hundred Eleven: Cowboys/Packers

2007-11-29T12:43:00.000-06:00

Huge game tonight. HUGE. And I'm going to be there. Despite the fact that my friend could have gotten over $800 a ticket, he is as gung-ho about going as I am.

I have two desired optional outcomes:

1) the game of the year, nay century, with a Cowboys win in the end thanks to a touchdown strike from Romo to TO; or

2) a blowout win by the Cowboys.

Either one would work for me.

Post One Hundred Ten: World War Hulk #5

2007-11-19T19:15:00.000-06:00

I don't care what this issue may imply, or what anyone may read into it. Thor would kick the Sentry's agoraphobic ass six ways from Sunday, once for each of his schizophrenic personalities.

Post One Hundred Nine: Cowboys vs. Patriots

2007-10-16T09:07:00.000-05:00

Two things about Sunday's game:

1) If you are down two touchdowns to New England, and it is 4th and goal on the 5 yard line, YOU GET THE BALL INTO THE FUCKING ENDZONE, OR YOU MAKE THEM DRIVE 95 FUCKING YARDS!

Jesus.

2) While we sacked Brady three times yesterday (equaling the total New England allowed all season), they were pussy sacks. Brady does a hell of a job hiding the ball when he fakes, 'cause he was just pushed over as opposed to being crushed.

Dammit.

Post One Hundred Eight: You Tell Me

2007-09-19T18:29:00.000-05:00

Starting trial on Monday. For anyone who happens along this blog, you tell me your opinion: is our doctor negligent or not?

Four year old girl comes into ER after suffering an ankle injury while playing outside. Is also found to have a 104.6 fever. The nurses give tylenol, and the fever drops to 99 by the time our doc sees her (he was aware of the 104.6 fever at time of presentation).

He performs his physicial examination; as with the nurses, no wheezing, no crackles, no cough, no shortness of breath, and O2 saturation is at 96%. She is interactive and responsive (even joking around with the x-ray tech) to those around her. She is discharged in a splint with instructions to follow-up with an orthopedist and to monitor the fever. However, no blood test or chest x-ray was ordered.

The fever never again reaches 102, per the mom.

Less than 36 hours later, after waking up to say goodbye to her dad who was going to work, she is found in her bed dead.

Autopsy reveals staphylococcol aureus-PVL, a flesh-eating bacteria that resulted in lesions on all of her internal organs.

Plaintiff's expert says chest x-ray and blood testing would reveal the bacteria, allowing her to be put on antibiotics which would have saved her life.

Our experts say that standard of care was met given the girl's presentation, and that putting her on antibiotics would not have saved her life.

So: based on that overview, if you were sitting on the jury would you find our doc negligent?

Post One Hundred Seven: Thor vs. some man in a little iron suit

2007-09-16T19:44:00.000-05:00

Thor #3 was released on Wednesday. I would of posted sooner, but I've been too busy re-reading the greatness that it is. Finally, Thor is showcased as the penultimate bad-ass in the Marvel Universe. I believe my brother put it best:

"Damn, this week's Thor is scary. Thor could whip the Hulk's ass."

Suffice to say, Thor was less than pleased with Stark's use of his genetic code to create "Clor." And for that, Thor kicked some ass. Up and down, left and right, without any sense of restraint. Best point? When Iron Man tries to blast Thor with his repulsor rays, and Thor isn't even phased. Stark then proceeds to do it "old school" and quickly gets knocked out of the park.

Just brilliant.

Post One Hundred Six: The Real Juggernaut is Back

2007-09-03T17:51:00.000-05:00

Oh, hell yeah:

See? World War Hulk: X-Men wasn't totally pointless.

Post One Hundred Five: Scatterbrain was on to something

2007-09-03T08:31:00.000-05:00

Jesus, Edwards. Why not just have a government rep standing by to wipe our ass when we're finished using the restroom?

State nannism doesn’t get much better than this

Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards said on Sunday that his universal health care proposal would require that Americans go to the doctor for preventive care.
“It requires that everybody be covered. It requires that everybody get preventive care,” he told a crowd sitting in lawn chairs in front of the Cedar County Courthouse. “If you are going to be in the system, you can’t choose not to go to the doctor for 20 years. You have to go in and be checked and make sure that you are OK.”
He noted, for example, that women would be required to have regular mammograms in an effort to find and treat “the first trace of problem.”

Once that’s settled, I’m sure President Edwards would start mandating acceptable health standards and practices. Outlaw tobacco and transfats, then regulate and ration white sugar, red meat, diary and how many times annually one can visit fast food restaurants.

[excerpted from Protein Wisdom]

You may remember a slightly underrated band called Scatterbrain a few years back. Their song "Goodbye Freedom, Hello Mom" was eerily prescient:

1984 has past, Forget about Big Brother
Welcome to the 90s where the government’s your mother.

I sense a new campaign theme song for Edwards.

Post One Hundred Four: Sixx A.M.

2007-08-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

So I got roped into buying Sixx A.M.'s The Heroin Diaries by a friend of mine who happens to be the biggest Nikki Sixx fan in the world. This is the soundtrack to Sixx's upcoming book by the same name, chronicling his addicition to heroin and recovery.

The album sucks.

Okay, that's a little strong. It doesn't quite . . .

No, fuck it. Let's be honest. It sucks. It's ballad after ballad after whiny-assed ballad that bitches and moans about his addiction to and getting off the smack. This is a girl's rock album. There is barely anything up-tempo about it. The closest Sixx and Co. come is with "Pray for Me," and even that ain't so catchy.

Love 'em, hate 'em, or just like 'em (as in my case), one thing nobody can deny is that the Crue could produce a memorable hook. Why can't Sixx write music for projects that are on the same level as Motley? Is he used up? Is it because he isn't shooting up on a regular basis? God forbid, but it just may be that the talentless can come up with a good riff by sticking a needle in their arm.

I have no doubt that the book will make for an entertaining read. But Jesus, this album is a beating.

Rating: **/10 stars

Post One Hundred Three: Morons

2007-08-13T22:30:00.000-05:00

As of today, I have come to realize the truth of the following saying:

Never underestimate the stupidity of twelve people in a locked room.

This is going to be a lengthy post.

As the loyal reader of my blog knows, I am an attorney. I just completed a two-week trial with one of the partners of my firm. We represent an international insurance company that was sued, along with its insured, by a water-damage restoration contractor for breach of contract.

A bit of background: in May of 2001, the insured's residence suffered water damage as a result of a massive hail storm (coupled with an already shitty roof). The insured, a prominent neurologist in the DFW metroplex, called his personal friend the contractor who came and dried out the house, then encouraged his friend to file a claim with the insurance company. Notably, the first thing this contractor asked for was the doctor's insurance policy. At the same time, he had the doctor sign a contract wherein the contractor agreed to provide remediation and restoration services, but in any event would receive 18% of any insurance funds paid.

Our client investigated the claim, and found a covered loss. The adjuster notified the good doctor's attorney advising of the approved loss. At that point, the attorney said that given preliminary testing that uncovered the presence of mold (although mold levels in the house were less than outdoor readings) they would be waiting to replace the roof until the costs of remediation (basically, tearing out the mold-infested portions of the house) and build-back (replacing the torn-out portions) were finalized so that all monies could be paid at once.

Now would be a good time for a primer on insurance law. Under a homeowners policy, there is a duty on the part of the homeowner to mitigate damages. Basically, you can't let your house go to shit if you know of a condition that will continue to damage your house (i.e., a leaky roof). Failure to do so runs the risk of losing coverage.

In this case, the contractor, the "professional," did nothing to stop the sources of water coming into the house. Instead, the doctor and his family moved out of the house, all furnishings were moved out, the house was sealed, and the HVAC was turned off. No tarps were put over the roof leaks, no roof cement, no patches. Nothing.

Regardless, the insurance company awaited estimates from the doctor's contractor for remediation and build-back. In October of 2001, the attorney sent a letter, advising our client that remediation and restoration were going to be very expensive (per the word of the contractor), and that demolition might be a better alternative. Our client requested the appropriate estimates to evaluate the options, which should have consisted of two sets: 1) a demolition estimate coupled with a rebuild estimate; and 2) a remediation estimate coupled with a build-back estimate.

In December of 2001, the doctor's attorney sent our client two estimates: a demolition estimate of $127,000, and a remediation estimate of $428,000. On the basis of these two estimates, the attorney (who is a fucking idiot) stated "as you can see, demolition is far cheaper. Therefore, the doctor wants to go ahead and tear down then rebuild the house. Give us policy limits in the sum of $3.1 million."

A little more information for you, which should be so obvious as to not have to be stated: you don't get to just demand policy limits. The insurance policy provides that you get the sums necessary to cover the covered losses. If it is cheaper to remediate and build-back, that is all you get regardless of what you intend to do with the proceeds. In any event, the estimates provided by the contractor were useless. A $127,000 estimate to demolish is meaningless if it would cost $1.8 million to rebuild the house, particularly if remediation and build-back would total approximately $900,000.

Regardless, this demand was "neither rejected or accepted" given the lack of sufficient information to make this decision, and our client was informed that the contractor was still preparing the additional estimates necessary to justify the demand. At this point (around April of 2002), additional testing was done on the house which revealed skyrocketing levels of mold. Our client brought in an independent contractor to opine whether the house could, indeed, be repaired. He realized at once that the house was being "cooked," i.e., made worse intentionally to jack up the costs to remediate and rebuild. In this case, the humidity levels in the house were out of control, allowing mold to spread throughout the house.

At that point, the doctor and his attorney were informed of the doctor's obligation under the terms of the insurance policy to mitigate damages, and that the humidity would have to be controlled. Now in any house in Texas this is done by running the air conditioner. In the doctor's house, however, there was water damage to the ceiling and sheetrock due to the uncontrolled water sources. Therefore, the house had to be dried out first, then the humidity levels brought under control.

The contractor jumped all over this. In June of 2002, he placed a massive amount of equipment to dry out and control the humidity of the house to the tune of $6,200 a day. This was done at the authorization of the good doctor. Typically what is done with this sort of dehumidifying equipment is the house is dried down, any material that can't be dried is removed, the equipment removed, and the house's AC is turned on. Of course, any responsible contractor would have at least made temporary repairs to the roof to stop the water sources from coming in. But this wasn't done here.

It should also be mentioned that all of this equipment requires electricity to run. Being suspicious about the house's ability to even run all of this equipment at one time, we subpoened TXU's records for the relevant time period. We also calculated the electrical usage for this equipment which should have provided for a $1400/month electric bill, at absolute minimum.

The doctor's bills didn't break $500.00.

But I digress. Also in June of 2002, our client received for the first time remediation and buildback estimates. Recall that in December of 2001 the remediation cost was estimated to be $428,000. Not this time: remediation was now estimated to be $1.1 million, with a build-back estimate at $1.8 million. These estimates were ridiculously over-priced and over-scoped. For instance, all of the electrical wiring was slotted to be replaced. Crown molding was scheduled to be replaced in rooms where there was no crown molding. A new $14,000 door was to be installed. All of the appliances were to be replaced.

It was ridiculous, and our client called the contractor out on it. We told the doctor's attorney that the contractor needed to be pulled off of the job. However, the doctor's attorney insisted that the contractor have the opportunity to make it right, and the contractor promised to make the changes.

We didn't get another estimate until December of 2002.

And these estimates were higher than the June 2002 estimates.

Un-fucking-believable.

And all this time the contractor is charging his "friend" $6,000 a day for useless, needless equipment.

Well, this went on through June of 2003: the contractor kept submitting estimates, and we kept tearing them to pieces. He, in turn, would promise to fix the "mistakes." We kept telling the attorney and the doctor that they were being robbed, kept pressuring the attorney and the doctor to fire ProTech, all to no avail, until finally in June of 2003 the doctor told the contractor to get the equipment out of the house after drying charges of $1.6 million were accrued.

It should be mentioned that during this time the insurance company was making advances to the doctor under his insurance policy. What he did with these funds was his choice, but all told, $790,000 of the doctor's policy proceeds went to the contractor for these drying services.

When all that was needed was to turn on the AC.

Un-fucking-believable.

Fast-forward to today. The contractor brought suit on his contracts with the good doctor, and sued the insurance company on some bullshit "implied contract" theory. There is a slight problem with this: under Texas law, an insurance company is a surety of the insured. Therefore, under the statute of frauds, any contract for the insurance company to answer for the insured's debt directly must be in writing to be enforceable. Here, it was unequivocally admitted that there was no written contract between the insurance company and the contractor.

Further, at no time did the insurance company ever agree to become primarily liable for this debt, i.e., at no time did the insurer say to the contractor: "this is on us, not out of the policy." At the close of the plaintiff's case, we filed our motion for directed verdict. The judge knows what he was supposed to do: grant it, and get us out of the case. Instead, he took it under advisement, stating that a directed verdict is a "harsh remedy." While I personally disagree, I can at least understand it: give the jury the chance to do the right thing.

You can probably guess what happened.

The jury, comprised completely of morons, came back and found that both the insurance company and the doctor breached agreements with the contractor and tagged us both for $705,000.00. Each.

After all, it's just an insurance company and a rich neurologist.

Un-fucking-believable.

The partner and I refused to meet with the jury afterwards. Why run the risk of lowering our IQs by breathing the same air as these idiots? I swear, if I ever run into any of them, I will not hesitate to call him or her out for their stupidity. Fucking morons. Words cannot describe my contempt for these people.

But here's the real bitch of it: I like to think that I am intellectually honest. If there was any basis for the jury's finding, I'd own up to it, and I could deal with it. But it's just so fucking stupid that I cannot wrap my head around it. The only saving grace is that our client will be taken care of via JNOV (judgment notwithstanding the verdict). The doctor, on the other hand, has a much tougher row to hoe. Oh, well. Maybe the judge will help him out, too. At least it would be the right thing to do.

Post One Hundred Two: Ratatouille

2007-07-30T19:02:00.000-05:00

Saw this over the weekend with the wife and kids, and wanted to post a quick review. I'm going to have to give this a thumbs down. You know what killed it for me? The whole rat-controlling-the-person-by-pulling-the-hair aspect. To call it "strained" is an understatement.

Yes, it was a cute movie, and how critical of this type of thing can you be when you're dealing with a movie about a master-chef rat? But really, it doesn't make any kind of sense. Being able to control a person's fine-motor systems by pulling hair? It's just stupid (for lack of a better word).

Then there's the whole vision of a swarm of rats running amok in the kitchen. That was just gross. Couldn't quite get that image out of my head.

However, I will say that the scene where the food critic is thrust back to his childhood after tasting the rat's ratatouille was inspired. I was touched. But not enough to save the movie for me.

Post One Hundred One: Reaper

2007-07-22T14:18:00.000-05:00

CW has a new showing coming out called Reaper. It's directed by Kevin Smith, so it was pretty much a given that I would be watching it.

But based on this trailer, it has potential to be my favorite show EVAR!

Post One Hundred: Juggernaut vs. the Hulk

2007-07-19T15:33:00.000-05:00

In WWH X-Men #2, Juggernaut is informed that the Hulk is probably going to kill his brother, Professor X. Upon hearing this, he runs upstairs to retrieve the Crystal of Cytorrak, promising the god that he will go on a destructive rampage if the crystal can get him to New York from London in time to save his brother.*

When I read the page, I actually called my brother in my excitement: Juggernaut's coming back, fully restored, and we're going to see a big brawl between Juggernaut and the Hulk. It seemed to be a good couple of weeks for me: first, the return of Thor, and now the real Juggernaut.

Eh. Not so much.

During the all-too-brief battle, Hulk comments on the fact that Juggernaut is smaller and weaker, and crushes him easily.

Now, I'm not one to bitch unnecessarily, but it seems to me that in Excalibur it was said that if Juggernaut touched the crystal, he'd be returned to his 1-of-3-0r-4-in-the-Marvel-Universe-who-could-possibly-stop-the-Hulk-single-handedly status. So I'm calling foul. Realistically, I know that the X-Men portion of WWH is not going to be responsible for putting an end to the Hulk's rampage, but still, is a little consistency out of the question?

*I'm not going to bother with an explanation. I know what happened to him.

Post Ninety-Nine: Debating a slight format change

2007-07-12T12:38:00.000-05:00

After last night's episode of Rescue Me, I'm considering changing this blog to an Andrea Roth fan site:

Hmm . . .

Post Ninety-Eight: The Return of Thor

2007-07-11T18:20:00.001-05:00

All is right with the world.

Thor made his triumphant return in Thor #1, released on July 5, 2007. Greatness, pure and simple. If you have read my previous posts, you may think that I am a little biased in this regard. Well, you're right. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong.

Of course, there are those who do not share my enthusiasm for his return:

"Thor" #1 was described by Comics Ink owner Steve LeClaire as "twenty two pages of 'hi, I'm back!'" That may have been too generous -- a syllogism is somehow pressed into service as a framing device and the whole issue tries to hang on it. Unsuccessfully.

Fuck this guy. What did he want, Thor kicking Galactus' ass on page 1? Thor could have done it, but I think it's best to ease into these things. As my brother and esteemed (and by that I mean published AND quoted in Marvel press releases) comic critic Flash Cap put it:

I don't agree with that review at all. Thor DIED. You can't just come into issue #1 and forget about that. [The writer] had to explain, credibly, what allowed Thor to come back, and how Donald Blake figured in all of it. It also served to catch up new readers on Thor's history, and hint at what's to come.

Speaking of what's to come, it has been strongly hinted that Thor is going to be the one to put an end to the Hulk's rampage taking place in World War Hulk. In fact, I've read rumors that the last issue is going to be a battle royale between Thor and the Hulk.

. . .

Sorry, I tend to get all reflective and giddy just thinking about that scene. Regardless, the only thing that could probably make this better is if Captain America was alive. But I guess the powers that be at Marvel realized a few years ago that having Thor and Captain America co-exist in their Universe was just too much awesomeness for the average reader to tolerate, as evidenced by the following:

Perhaps in a couple years everyone else will be ready. But for now we've got Thor.

Post Ninety-Seven: A tip for you

2007-07-03T14:53:00.001-05:00

To all of you parents: Do NOT forget to ensure visits from the Tooth Fairy when your child loses a tooth. Bad, bad things. Inevitably, the child comes into the room in tears. You are then forced to make up a story about how the Tooth Fairy was probably delayed by the weather, and will no doubt be there the following night to make up for it. In fact, you tell her that you will e-mail the Tooth Fairy to remind her.

Of course, the Tooth Fairy responded (and this will be shown to the aforementioned child):

I apologize profusely for my oversight. As you guessed, the weather North Texas has been experiencing has played havok with my travel schedule. These wings I have are purely decorative, so I am forced to rely on Southwest and American to cover the brunt of my territory. In my rush, I simply failed to make a record of [your child's] second lost tooth.

Please extend my most sincere apologies to [your child], and rest assured a shiny coin will be placed in her coin box tonight while she dozes.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy
Southwest Region
North Texas Territory

Post Ninety-Six: Getting What One Deserves

2007-06-16T21:34:00.000-05:00

Nifong has been disbarred and disgraced. Now, he faces the promise of criminal contempt charges and "excessive litigation," as one of the Duke lacrosse players' own attorneys put it.

Serves him right.

Post Ninety-Five: Rain

2007-05-29T15:02:00.000-05:00

Rain, rain, go away. Don't come back until the summer.

I need to mow my lawn, dammit.

Post Ninety-Four: The Wildhearts

2007-05-10T16:21:00.000-05:00

I am completely fascinated by The Wildhearts. I have liked everything I've ever heard from them, and it is compelling me to chase down their albums via eBay and Amazon. Most recently, I picked up Riff After Riff. A truer description has rarely been uttered. Highlights include "Return to Zero" and "Let's Go," but the whole album is just balls-out rock. Great, great stuff. I'm about to pick up a copy of Earth vs. The Wildhearts, which I've heard nothing but great things about.

But, geez, is it a pain in the ass to find their stuff. They're a British band, and just haven't broken over here. God only knows why, but if I had to guess I'd have to say it's because most people's taste in music sucks. Just a hunch. Anyway, their albums aren't found in the local Best Buy. Therefore, I have to pay import prices for all of their stuff.

It's worth it.

Next up: their most recent album, the self-titled Wildhearts. "The Sweetest Song" absolutely kicks ass. Released in April of 2007, I'm behind the curve on this one. It was only released in the U.K., so it looks like this one will be a bit more pricey. But what the hell: I'm hooked.

Post Ninety-Three: To be Single

2007-04-21T14:14:00.000-05:00

Drastically changing the tone of this blog, at least for this entry . . .

I think I got married too young. I never lived on my own. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, and I obviously love my kids (and I would not change anything about them), but I feel like I may have shorted myself by getting married right out of college.

I don't really want a divorce, but I find myself craving "alone" time more, i.e., time to do what I want to do without the wife and kids. Something I've never been able to do.

Damn. How self-centered and selfish is this?

Post Ninety-Two: Slight Hypocrisy on the part of Obama

2007-04-12T16:25:00.000-05:00

Obama: "Fire Imus."

Obama: "Ludacris, love your stuff."

"Ho" by Ludacris:

Hooooooooo (Ho)
Youza Hoooooo (Ho)
Youza Hoooooo (Ho)
I said that youza hooooo (Ho)[Repeat 1x]

You doin ho activities
With ho tendencies
Hos are your friends,
hoes are your enemies
With ho energy
to do whacha do
Blew whacha blew
Screw whacha screw
Yall professional like DJ Clue,
pullin on my coat tail
an why do you think
you take a ho to a hotel?

etc., etc.

Post Ninety-One: Don Imus

2007-04-12T09:19:00.000-05:00

I have never listened to Don Imus. Don't know anything about him, other than what's been in the news lately (and incessantly) about his asinine "nappy headed hos" comment. Most recently, it was reported that MSNBC is dropping the TV broadcast. All that's left now is for CBS to pull the plug on the radio version.

Personally, I think they should go ahead and put him in jail for making such racially-charged, insensitive comments, followed by a swift execution. An example needs to be made of Imus for all of the other morning-radio "shock jocks." That way, no African-American will ever have to suffer the indignity of hearing such terms.

Unless they happen to listen to rap.

/sarcasm off

UPDATE: Imus has been fired. As Ice T would say, "Freedom of speech, just watch what you say."

Post Ninety: THOR, July 2007

2007-03-16T12:07:00.000-05:00

Post Eighty-Nine: Rethinking Cap's Death

2007-03-16T10:09:00.000-05:00

As I stated a couple of posts ago, there will be an inevitable resurrection of Steve Rogers. But I was still a tad bit pissed about Marvel killing off Captain America. Since that time, I have come to learn that Cap has "died" before (several times), so I feel a little embarassed about my ignorance on that front.

Brief interlude: did he even die? See the following:

Back on point.

Regardless, even before learning about these earlier "deaths," I started to wonder why it bothered me. The manner in which it happened is probably the biggest factor. Cap wasn't afforded the courtesy of a noble death, such as Superman's death at the hands of Doomsday fourteen years ago, or Thor's death a few years ago. Instead, Steve Rogers was shot in a cowardly fashion while in police custody. [Captain America in police custody. . . That's just wrong.] Simply put, he went out with a whimper.

But is even that so wrong? Would comics be any good if every hero maintained the status quo for any character's existence, ad infinitum? And would comics be any good if every hero who did die met his fate while in the midst of some world- or universe-saving act? I kind of doubt it. That's what made The Death of Captain Marvel graphic novel special:* here was a hero who died as a result of cancer. It humanized the character: most everyone knows someone who has had or died from cancer. As a result, the book touched a nerve, and more books should strive to do so.

So the death of Captain America gets a pass from me (my brother, FlashCap, may not be so forgiving). Of course, this is said with the knowledge that Steve Rogers will be bearing the shield at some point in the future. Were I at all convinced this was permanent I might have a different opinion on the matter.

And on a totally unrelated note: THOR RETURNS IN JULY 2007! HELL YEAH!

*Never mind the fact that Marvel has dicked this up by bringing him back in a post-exposure/pre-cancer state.

Post Eighty-Eight: Marvel = Sparta

2007-03-07T17:37:00.000-06:00

This is shamelessly stolen from a friend of mine. But I can't resist the comparison in light of Marvel's performance over the last year:

I'm reminded of the scene where the Persian messenger visits Leonidas in 300:

Messenger: This is madness.
Leonidas: This is Sparta!!! (then kicks messenger into a pit)

Now make the following substitutions:

1) Messenger = Comics Fan
2) Leonidas = Joe Quesadas
3) Sparta = Marvel
4) pit = pit

Post Eighty-Seven: Long Live Cap

2007-03-07T14:11:00.000-06:00

I do believe the editors at Marvel Comics have lost their fucking minds. Morons. You don't fucking kill Captain America. I swear, I'm this close to calling it a day on comics with all the idiocy that Marvel has engaged in as of late.

Yes, I figure he's not really dead. I think he's going to be the new Ronin: it would make sense on several levels (a samurai without a master; a full-face mask to hide identity; joining up with the "secret" Avengers).

But YOU DON'T FUCKING KILL CAPTAIN AMERICA.

Post Eighty-Six: Too Old for that Shit

2007-02-27T14:00:00.000-06:00

Just over a week ago, I went to the Lamb of God/Trivium/Machine Head/Gojira show at the Palladium in Dallas.

I am getting too old for this shit.

Well, let me clarify: I am getting too old to go to a general admission (i.e., mosh pit) show involving four extremely heavy bands, of which the headliner has a rabid-fanbase with a good collection of assholes. Tip for all you moshers out there: if there is a circle pit going, you do not spear someone in the back who is standing on the side of the pit facing the stage. To the asshole who did it to me: 1) you're a pussy, seeing as how I didn't even fall; 2) you're a pussy, seeing as how I wasn't hurt; and 3) if I had seen you, I would have killed you.

It should also be mentioned that the show went on past midnight. Five and 1/2 hours of moshing, walls of death, incredibly loud metal (and I went and forgot my earplugs . . . never again) and sweaty, short, and stoned teenagers. Don't get me too wrong, I had fun, but I'm thinking I am going to reserve my general admission concerts for Anthrax, and in any other case get a reserved seat.

Post Eighty-Five: Nolan Ryan story

2007-01-29T22:20:00.000-06:00

Nolan Ryan was recently released from the hospital after suffering from some kind of health scare. I hope all is well with him. But it jogged my memory about a story I heard about him, from someone who was there.

A friend of mine was at the Ryans' ranch with Nolan Ryan's son (who he pitched college ball with) and the man himself, out riding horses around the range. It seems Nolan Ryan's horse kept acting up, going real skittish at times. Well, Nolan pulled back on the reins of his horse, until the horse's head was turned sideways. He proceeded to throw a right cross right across the horse's jaw.

The horse settled down.